Mixing CDs
You know, a couple of nights ago I had yet ANOTHER dream of CD. What the hell
is going on here? All of a sudden I am starting to dream about her? Am I really
missing her that bad? I don't think so consciously, so it must be an unconscious
thing. I definitely do miss her company, that's for sure.
So this dream
felt quite weird. It was as if we were having a full-on relationship. Sexual
vibes were around, so I guess we actually were in a full-on relationship
in every sense of the term. I remember having a feeling of satisfaction and
happiness, but something was missing. It was as if I was feeling in the dream
that things had moved too fast.
Talking about things moving fast, there's
this girl who I will refer to as 'Anna.' I haven't really known her that long,
but she really is the sweetest cutest most adorable thing on God's green earth
in my opinion.
I don't know what it is about her; she has revealed some
of her deepest feelings to me, the anguish that lies in her heart, some of her
poetry, etc., and I feel like she is indeed a deep resource that has been left
untouched. The depth of her feeling strikes me so. It seems a challenge that I
would love to take on, but I am unsure of my capability to do so.
She's a
girl who has been through an immense amount of hurt and I saw a little glimpse
of it. I thought I was being kind and comforting by offering her a shoulder to
cry on should she ever need it. I guess slowly, but surely. we have become
greater friends and more closer.
Now all of a sudden she says she's got a
little crush on me and is relaly happy to see me around, and all. This is
evident from her behaviour. Personally I cannot understand how things can move
so fast, but I found myself responding in almost exactly the same way! It
surprised me, but at the same time I did not feel weird at all, I guess because
of a minor amount of closeness that had developed already. In fact, it seemed to
be as if this was a fast-forward version of a normal developing romance. Should
I even use that word, 'romance'? Who knows where it will lead? And it is not
even going "fast" in the normal sense of fast relationships, it is so hard to
explain.
Well anyway, the thing is that she likes me and I like her, that
just about sums it up. It would be better if things went a bit slower but then
hey, some things in life just should not be passed up.
I dont know how
this all fits in with CD though. A few days ago I was driving myself up the wall
with thoughts of her and how much I missed HER. The main problem with CD is that
I got the feeling that she had feelings for me. She admitted as much, and it was
obvious in the way she flirted with me etc. But just before she left for India,
I got the impression that she was restraining herself from getting closer to me.
I don't know why, but it really seemed that she was getting into me and it was
going to be relaly inconvenient for her to think of me while in India.
Under normal circumstances I would think she was not into me, but the
way she was insisting I should keep in touch with her via email and the way she
spoke, it was so obvious ..
And I was thinking that when she gets back
from India, I'd capitalise on those obvious feelings and drive her over the
edge..
And then along comes Anna..
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