||16 September 1978|
||Spiritual: Gaudiya Vaishnava siddhanta and practice.
Material: Martial arts, gym workouts.
Music: I have
an eclectic taste in music so I like various categories including
rock - some heavy metal - some jazz - 70s funk - Elvis - Jimi
Hendrix - Oxide & Neutrino - Metallica - Prodigy - Red Hot Chili
My spiritual music tastes include both slow and fast
kirtanas, especially the tunes found on the 'Mayapur Kirtanas'
series of audio tapes. I also like the qawallis of Ustad Nusrat
Fateh Ali Khan.
- Islamic - both orthodox and
- The works of Kahlil Gibran
- Reading and
researching various religions.
- Psychology, psychobiology as
well as a little neurology.
- Politics - US foreign policy,
War On Terror, Nazism.
||1978 - Birth.|
- In between - My uncle
purchased a whole box of 'Amar Chitra Katha' comics. This is when I
realised that I had a spontaneous attraction for God as I endlessly
pored over comic pictures despite not being able to read! Thus began
my spiritual studies, the depth of which increased as I learned to
read. It is my opinion that the power of Amar Chitra Katha comics
should not be underestimated.
1983 - At age 5, I remember
lamenting to my mother as to why I was born at a miserable time when
Rama and Krishna were not gracing us with Their immediate divine
- In between - I actually attended ISKCON temples
since my birth, but at this age I attended the Sunday School and
comprehended some aspects of GauDIya philosophy, though it was not
to my taste although I enjoyed reading about Caitanya Mahaprabhu. I
was made a Life Member and was thus entitled to a lifetime's supply
of Back To Godhead magazine and ISKCON literature.
1987 - Or
thereabouts, I attended a "youth week" held at the local church and
thus began three years of spontaneous attentance at church every
Sunday. I attended the Sunday School and spoke to various eminent
Christian representatives including vicars, bishops and charismatic
preachers such as J. John.
1990 - While considering a
conversion to Christianity at the age of 12, I was suddenly drawn
into a swirling maelstrom that eventually took the form of devotion
to a well-known pseudo guru. This continued for 10 long
1998 - While with this pseudo-guru, I had undertaken
an orthodox study of AdvaitavAda philosophy as well as being taught
Vama-marga Aghora by Vimalananda for
a brief while. I had also undertaken a study of various other
teachers, and I undertook a deep study of Islam for three years.
Being as conscientious as I was, I could not reconcile Advaita's
constant and profuse internal contradictions and I had a spiritual
mini-breakdown and took some time out for six months. At the end of
this dark night of the soul, I decided to give ISKCON a chance and I
randomly selected a book from Srila Prabhupada's 30-book Bhagavatam
set. That random book contained ALL of the answers to the problems I
was facing. Comprehending these answers and studying further
Prabhupada literature gave me the confidence to reject Advaita and
accept GauDIya VaiSNavism as the 'topmost'. I formally rejected the
pseudo-guru in July 2001.
2002 - This next dark night of the
soul began when I entered this forum and found a whole new different
side to the GauDIya philosophy which I was taught. This caused a
seismic shift in my belief system that has continued sporadically
uptil December 2004. During that period I have learnt many things
about traditional GauDIya philosophy which continues even
2005 - My present BSc. Psychology studies have opened me
to a more logical, rational and less dogmatic way of thinking, as I
am not afraid to find biological evidence of spiritual concepts. At
this moment in time, I need to re-evaluate myself and my goals which
I am doing at a cautious speed.
2005 - I feel that I am
mature and reflective enough to recognise he fact that, somehow or
other along my journey, I must have committed grave aparadhas to
esteemed Vaishnavas, and that the recent troubles I faced were the
effect of such offences. I experienced a degradation of my
bhakti-lata due to such offences, and was allergic to the Holy Name
and all things spiritual. The only thing that kept me going was my
daily puja to my dear sweet Gaura-Nitai deities. In
Madhurya-kadambini it is related that when the intense effects of
aparadhas lessens slightly after a long period of suffering, the
taste for bhakti appears again. I feel that this has happened to me
and I feel fortunate for it; my approach know is to worship the
golden Lotus Feet of Sri Sri Nitai-Gaurasundara, the most-merciful
avatars, and this will help me to tread the path more carefully.
DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF APARADHA! LEARN FROM MY HARD
LESSON AND LEARN IT WELL!
You may think that it won't happen
to you, but it will. Ultimately it is only the aparadhi who suffers
and nobody else.
And so again I humbly take up the practice
of bhakti, and I eagerly search for the shelter of Sri
DEATH - This will take place when the opportune moment
arrives and my life airs expel themselves from my body. I will then
take my leave of this vehicle and continue my lonely journey through