September 4th – 7th 1998
WEBMASTER PREFACE: Conny Larsson claimed that he was sexually abused by SSB from the years 1979 - 1983 (or for a period of 5 years). Conny also claimed that he knew that SSB was allegedly sexually abusing other men since 1986. Despite these statements of fact, from Conny Larsson, he was still praising Sathya Sai Baba as God Incarnate and relating first hand miraculous experiences in September 1998, 12 years after he knew that SSB was allegedly molesting other men and about 10 months before he defected from SSB! Conny related his experiences with SSB with great emotion (often breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably). It is important to point out that Conny defected shortly after he went through a "deprogramming" session and "recovered" childhood memories of being sexually abused. Apparently, at the same time, he had an instantaneous realization that SSB was a fraud and a fake. There is a tremendous amount of information about "recovered memories" and how therapists can actually suggest, and thereby create, fake memories that never happened. It is also important to point out that the Rahm's and Mr. Larsson were very close friends (they were even going to make a movie about SSB together and Al visited Conny in Sweden). Mr. Larsson defected in June of 1999 and Alaya made his allegations against SSB in September of 1999. It is most certainly possible that Alaya got his information (concerning sexual abuse stories) from Conny Larsson (considering that Conny claimed he freely discussed this with Hislop back in 1983)!
Introduction by Al (Seral) Rahm
CONNY LARSSON:: (Swedish accent and has some difficulty speaking English):
Sai Ram everyone. First of all I would say how proud I am to be here. [C.L. crying and sobbing uncontrollably] And I am more… [C.L. laughing and crying] …I hope this speech become hopes…I cry and cry. That is the way that he has told it. [C.L. laughing and crying again] I see this vast congregate and I see…how Baba change it… [C.L. crying and sobbing uncontrollably] Baba…and so good to see people he's transforming them [C.L. crying and sobbing uncontrollably] I see how he transform me once and that is why I am here. I have been here two times before. Invited by different centers in Florida and I have been in New York. As Al told me…told you…that I was coming here…I met him in India and he invited me and said "Baba says 'yes' to me. I always say 'yes' to him." [C.L. laughing and crying] How could we do it? We have to do it.
I will try to explain how I came to Baba though. This is a duty that I am doing and that we can be talking about tomorrow because there is lots of things to tell about that. But I will tell you a story of little boy who was brought up in a family where my father was a stone alcoholic, a very severe alcoholic. And my mother was a strong lady. A socialist and had all kinds of ideas about communism and how to run things. And I was placed in that family with four other…one sister and 3 other brothers. I was placed there very..uh, what do you say, soft kind of boy. I was sick and I happened to come into that family in the most wild kind of situation. My father was always beating my mother up. And my mother was always beating my father up. They kept on doing this every day. I had to sit in this little sofa, just viewing this…[C.L. sobbing] This was my childhood.
So, then…one day life changed. Fortunately though. Fortunately, I almost drowned. I was six year old. And when I was down there in the water and when I was nearly gone, a huge enormous light came. And I could see all this beauty and that…that made my day. That…from that absolute darkness into that divine light…[C.L. crying and sobbing uncontrollably] I am useless. This keeps going on and on and on. And I don't want to have that. I don't want to stand here and cry for you. I want to give you all this beauty and light…to be in that light made me not want to go back. I wanted to be there. That was life. I saw life is beauty. Life is grandness. That is what is going to be. So I decided that I had to watch to another area because I can't go on with this. And then, I became that kind of person that if I saw that little sparkling light, in anyone, a man or a girl or a dog or a pig, I just followed them as a little puppy. Like a little dog because I just wanted to be with that light. And life went on like this for me all the way up til I was about 12 or something.
And suddenly there was a huge upheaval in the news because there was coming a Yogi from India. Very, very rare in our country. And his name was Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. And he came there and I was about 12 years old and a friend of mine took me to hear the lecture there. And I was just…there was so much light. I just…Oh this, I must have. This is the thing I should do. So I applied but I didn't have the money. I was just 12 years old. So I wasn't admitted to learn. So then, life changed a little again. It took a little turn and I met in my school, a very famous actress. She was about 75 years old and I didn't know who she was. I was playing. We had Saturdays, funny hour, when the children play before the teachers and the parents that come. And that lady was sitting there and I was jumping up and down, like that, and playing and acting, and then off she came and said, "You my little boy. You are born to become an actor." I didn't know. So someone saw me, someone told me what to do. I went. I became an actor. I became very famous actor in Scandinavia. I made all kinds of films and I made all tv. In Sweden, we do not only make tv or films, we do the all, the stage, we make radio, tv and also films. So I was very young. I was the youngest in Sweden that was allowed to come into the Royal Theater school. And since I had so much sadness within me, so when I went up on the stage, it was just so…I became the best comedian. And, after a while, the director of Circus Ring brothers in New York come to know about my acting ability because I was doing clowning also. So that man, he flew over to see me, and then he said, "Oh, don't waste your time in Sweden. Come to America." And I said, "No, no, no, no. This is not the way. I want to do it the right way." And then he said you can have four months of training and you can be the head clown. And I said, "No, no, no, no. This is not what I am going to do. I want to be schooled. I want to learn." And then he said, "Yes, I can arrange that for you." And then he arranged it somehow. So I happened to come up to the circus school in Moscow. But I will come back to that later.
In 1967, finally, the Beatles was running around with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Donovan and Mira Farrow and these other people, you know, they were all followers of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. And they happened to come to Sweden. Secular people, "Oh, he's here again. Look who he is bringing with." And I was "Ooh", I was into the theater, "Ooh", so I went with that. And now I had the money, you see? [Crowd laughing] So now I was able to participate in the meditation. And that kind of meditation was called "TM" at that time, Transcendental Meditation. And that completely changed my inner structure. I went through the course and it was such a beautiful course. And Maharishi was himself teaching me. And eh, I then went to some other courses and within a very short time, I went to India and I was there for 6 month educating me to become a TM teacher. A teacher of meditation. And eh, that made me into half. One half only wanted to be of the spiritual side. The other half they wanted to jump on the theater like this.
So then, it come to be that I had to make a compromise. So I was one year at the theater, and one year as a secretary. I become also his private secretary. That meant that I was the one, I was the, don't misunderstand me now, I was the "night boy". The night boy is the one that cares for his bed, his sheet, his dress and who is giving him the massage. And who is taking care of his most intimate and private arrangements. I became that boy. And we became very, very close. And I traveled all around the world with him and we met Kings and we met Emperors, we met all these fancy people. And I thought that was how it was going to be. But, in that movement, things changed very rapidly. Many wanted to have power and wanted to do this and that and he didn't have that much of strength, like Krsna has in the chariot for Arjuna. Maharishi didn't have that because he wasn't Krsna. He was a guru.
So that meant I finally had to make a decision. Since my life was out for light, light was my main thing. And I connected light with truth. So there was two values that was…eh…guiding me all through. And that was light. If I saw the light there, that was truth for me. And with truth, I walked. So when things was turning to another point there, I saw that this is not good. I have to leave this. I spent about 10 years with him. Or 5 years you say, because I was staging every other year. So then I left the movement. I told him this is not correct. What was not correct was the TMC program that someone of you might have heard of. That they are flying, walking on the moon and they can do all kind of spooky things. And eh, that was not what I was out for. I was out for the direct, inner experience. The moon was not something that I longed for particularly.
So then anyhow, I left him. And this was 1976. And eh, I also, at that time, had become quite wealthy fellow. Due to my acting. I was investing the money in a hotel, a hotel resort that was running beside my acting and beside my being a secretary to Maharishi. So I was quite well off. And eh, then sudden political changes were running in our country because the prime minister of parliament had been…no that was later…eh, expelled by the people. They voted him away. And now there was new polls coming for this election. This was 1976. And then, he seemed to come back. And that was a Prime Minister that I didn't like. Because he was obviously lying and he was obviously doing wrong things. And that was so…I…I didn't want to be in a country where the father of the country was someone that was not trustworthy. Later on, unfortunately, he became assassinated. So then, I decided that I can't have this. I will not stay in this country. I had, some year before, had a short holiday in Sri Lanka. And I met a Buddhist priest there took me all around to these marvelous Buddhist temples. And I thought, "Ooh, this is beautiful. Ooh, the Sun was there, the sea was there, everything was perfect setting for me to be cracked in a big leela. And you will soon hear the lila. [Crowd laughing].
And then, while I was feeling this, that my country was corrupt and all these things, I couldn't stay there, I remembered what the Monk once said. He said, "Why don't you come and invest your money here? We need it. We are poor people. We need it." That was ringing now in my ear. And then I decided that to, do you say, emigrate? To move…I decided to leave Sweden. I don't want anything to do with it. So I left Sweden and I sold the hotel. I bought a little cottage beside, quite near the hotel. Just a little small cottage with four room and then I got some money out of the Hotel and I was angry at my Prime Minister. So I stuffed all my millions into suitcase. Hundred crowns pieces. And I just put it onto the, what do you say when it goes by the airplane that trolly? [Crowd: "conveyer"] I just took the suitcase and then it went. All the millions went. And I was there booking my ticket in and I saw the millions going. [Crowd laughing] I trusted…[C.L. laughing]…the one whoever he was. So then I came down to Sri Lanka. I bought a land there. In the Eastern coast of Batticaloa. It is a little village called Envur. And I bought a land there. A coconut place that one year before, a huge hurricane had come and throw all that coconut and Battakulu in a disaster. So I bought that place. I was about 360, 359 acres just on the shore. And I'm that kind of guy that if God gives me one crown, in one year, there a million. That is the way that money works for me. Somehow, I don't know how. But that's how it's going to be. And anyhow, I bought that land and the monk reminded me, he became a friend, he said "Why don't you do things with it. You can build hotels and you can do this and that." So I started to build villas there. We bought, we build about 40 villas very quickly. Beautiful villas there. And eh, we were starting to do shopping and all these things. Just on the shore.
We divided that place in 550 lots. So, there was meant to be 550 villas and hotels and things there. At that time, you see, when you are in Sri Lanka, which is a poor country, you have to get things signed. And the one of you who comes from India and these kind of countries you know what a sign, signature, means. You have to put something here. [Crowd laughing] And that problem is not only in India though. It is probably common everywhere. But in my sake, this was in Sri Lanka. And since I came there with that suitcase…and when I arrived there, the one who checked my luggage and opened it and "Oh! Oh!". [Crowd laughing] And the word went around that island. "Oh! Someone has come with the guts. He has the money." So I became very popular. I roamed about with the Prime Minister, Sirimavo. And I roamed about with the President, Gopallawa. And I roamed about with all these ministers there. Because they were ministers and they had their thing, but they wanted more. So there were many signatures to do. [Crowd laughing]
I started a company Ceylon Beach Invest Ltd. And we was running that thing. But I needed that water pipeline. One signature. I needed electricity. Two or three signatures. And I needed protection from the police. Ten signatures. This kept on going. And money was spending. I was also doing the houses and selling these lots. So I earned a fortune. Not one crown, millions and billions were coming in very quickly. From ambassadors all over the place. They wanted to have their decent place not crowded with tourists. They wanted seclusion. That was what we offered them.
I left my master, Maharishi, due to that. I saw a grey…eh…what do you say? [Crowd: "Aura"] Don't go into that. A grey shimmering coming onto his personality. Because he was running something that was becoming a little untruth. And suddenly, I was stuck in the midst of bribering and doing all kinds of wrong things. I, who lived for light, which was the thing that I wanted, suddenly, Maya had trapped me into the worst. And fortunately though, there was a Swiss company whose going to move in to Sri Lanka. They wanted to find some place big enough, beautiful enough for their investment. They offered me $22 million dollars just to get rid of me and to get the land. And I said, "No…no, no, no. This is not the way I want to do it."
So I stayed there and then I had to finally get the electricity done. And when I was going to have the electricity signature, you don't go to a regular clerk. You go to the prime minister. He was the one that was going to sign it. Not the housing minister, not the justice minister, you had to go upto him. So…and I was enjoying parties and things and conferences. Anyhow, so I went up there and I, myself, had never bribed anyone. There were clerks…you say "clerks"? Clerks doing these things. You see? I was looking to that side. The rich usually do that. You know? They look…So the…so…then, when I was going in to have that signature, the contract was already there and everything. I happened to pass the secretary, a lady, who gently leaned towards me and said, "And what about the donation?" Just in front of the door. I did something I will not do it here now, but I gave her the finger. [Crowd laughing] You know what finger? [Crowd laughing] I became so furious at her…I became so offended. And that was also a lila of God. He showed me what I was doing. So I just kicked the door of the President. I just kicked it and kicked it. "I don't give a ****", and I went. From that day, everything closed down. No business was running. I was just there, stuck with all that land and all these houses. And all the problems and all the Maya business that I was involved in.
So then, I find that I have to change. I am absolutely in the wrong place. I had to do something. About 14 days went and I became very depressed. And the whole period, from '76 to 1978, this was a period of two years, was very depressing for me because I felt I had left my master, I lost everything. In fact I was rich but there was no joy, no happiness, whatever. There was only running helter skelter for this. And then I became very depressed. And I became so depressed, that I finally decided to…to…what do you say? To do suicide. And I was, the day before, that that was going to be on the program, so to speak, I was walking in the beach. I was crying. And I was not feeling at all good. And I was very confused. Three fisherman's body was floating up in front of me. And they had, probably the day before, some day before, get drowned up through the sea. And eh, since I was well learned and well schooled by Maharishi, this was the three gunas that was coming up. Sattwas, rajas and tamas were coming up and they were all in equilibrium. That was the signal to me to do the same. So I decided that this is the way I will go. I remembered, now when I was 6 years old, when I almost died, drowning, I remembered that thing. So therefore, it was an easy thing to do. But I didn't want to do it. So there was two opportunities: do or not do.
I went home to my little cottage. Now, it is on the western coast. It's just on a beach called Bentota beach, in a little village called Athuruwella (?). It's two hours outside Colombo, down. And I had a little cottage there, private for me. There were a bungalow hotel and I had always for me. So I went there and I prayed to anyone. I prayed to Mother Mary. I prayed to Mother Teresa. I prayed to the Holy Francis. I prayed even to Maharishi and to Guru Dev and all those things. All these useless guys, you see, they didn't help me. [Crowd laughing] No one helped me. I prayed to anyone, "Please, come and save me! Because I will not stay longer. I'm leaving and going." No one heard. Then I wrote a suicide letter. Which I said, "That no one has murdered me. No one has stolen anything from me. No one has done anything wrong. It's all me, myself, doing. No one has been involved." I didn't want to put guilt on anyone you see, because then the police will run out and take a blind man and say, "You do it." Or, they will take a cripple and say, "It's he who do it." Any poor, they will try to get rid of. [Crowd laughing] But that is how we is running the world.
So, therefore, I wrote the letter. I left it in the early morning, in the sunrise. I was very well known on the beach, as I walked and had chats with people and so on. So, then I walked on the beach and I decided how to do it. I just went out, straight out into the water. And if you go 50 to 75 meters out there, you are just sucked out and you are gone. That's how it is at that shore. So there was batik huts like this. On which I usually went and bought some,…um…some batik. Batik. Batik huts. Small palm leaves 3.3 square meters, like this, 2 meters high. Just by bamboo stick and they have these banana leaves and all this, and I used to go there. But my thing now was to end it. So I just went out in the water and I was crying. I was very depressed and very sad. And while I was going out in the water, I screamed, "Oh God, if you are on Earth, please come and save me!" And I was just going and I felt that the sand was going…everyone has been into the sea and feeling the sand is going when you sink like this, you know what I mean? Suddenly, out of one of the hut, there, in front of me. The shore was like this, like the "c", the spelling "c". I was coming from here, the hut was here. I went out like this. And someone came out from one of the huts, going down to the shore meeting me. And he had a huge, big afro hair. And he was dressed in the Sri Lankan way. He was dressed with a sarong. You say that? From here orange, from there down. And he was all naked, up. And I was coming, walking like this and suddenly, he was there. Glowing! And standing on the beach like this. Like "Come, come, come!" I thought, "Oh, it's the batiks. In the time of killing myself, they either wanted to do business!" [Crowd laughing] It is such a lila, you see? And I was trying to go further on like this. When someone snapped my neck with an iron hand, so hard, and it just twisted my head like this. And then I had to go to him.
I went up to the man, who was just glowing, full of love. And I was looking at him thinking, "Oh, what shall…[First side of tape ends. Second side of tape beings] [Crowd laughing] I was so confused. I went up there with him and the door of the batik hut was just small pearls, stringing pearls in plastic hanging on. And it took these and he put me in with a gentle pat on the shoulder. And he just pushed me in. And then he came in and there was nothing there. It was absolutely empty. No batiks or anything. And I was just standing there staring into a picture. And the picture was of a man…the picture was like the big pictures we can see now. These tall pictures and there was a man with an afro hair like this. And he had an orange robe from here downwards. And I was looking at the picture and then he pushed me somehow so I was coming to that side of the picture. And here's the picture now and the man who brought me in was on that side. And then he pointed to the picture and said, "Sai Baba. Go to India." And I just looked at the picture and looked at the man. They were the same! [Crowd laughing] Absolutely the same person. But, since I was that kind of confused, I didn't know. I had never heard of Sai Baba. I had never seen a picture. I didn't know anything. I was lost in darkness and filled the business thing and now committing suicide. And suddenly, there was someone there saying "Sai Baba. Go to India."
My whole head was just feeling of an explosion. It was like the madness broke, exploded within. So I run away from here. And I run back to the bungalow reception and I run up to him and said, "Who is Sai Baba?" And the man said, "This is God. He is God!" "What? What? God?" "Yes, God", he said. As if he was talking about coffee or something! [Crowd laughing] And then I said, "Yes, but where is he then?" I said, "Oh, I don't know, but I can find out" he said. And then he took the telephone and I was crazy, you see, I thought he was dialing to him! [Crowd laughing] I was just standing like this, staring, "What is he doing? He's phoning to God!" [Crowd laughing] Always my hair…what do you call this? Goosebumps! Goosebumps when I talk to this…it is so emotional for me and the goosebumps come like this. So anyhow, that man phoned the embassy or the consulate. I don't…I don't know. They phoned that, phoned them and they said, a Sri Lankan lady, who happened to be a cousin of the former Prime Minister who now is the Prime Minister again in Sri Lanka. Either she is the President of the Prime Minister. So, I happened to talk to that person and she told me where this Sai Baba were, because she had just recently come back.
2 hours in the cab, down to the bank, and then I was collecting the money because I had to change because you cannot bring the Sri Lanka money out. I had to change and get dollars and all this. And then when I was collecting my thing, in the cashing…do you say that? In the bank, the lady ringed out and said, "You are going to Sai Baba." Oh! What is this? I was feeling I was going on a wave, you see? Now I know what kind of wave. Nature support some sort of surfing. You say "surfing"? [Crowd: "yeah"] Surfing on a force so to speak. I thought that this is too much. There is something really wrong here. You see? And I went out to the custom, to the passport control, you see? You say that, "Passport"? And eh, when I was going through, they had stands like this. Not the small ones, like they have in America, small. But they had huge huge big ones. And he opened and he said, "Sai Baba!" [Crowd laughing] I decided, I didn't think long about it, I decided I was absolutely crazy. That was it. I had it. I was on my way to someone, somewhere, I didn't know. But he was God and maybe a good phone player…[Crowd laughing] I didn't know. I didn't know anything about him.
So then I came down finally and there is a..that is another story but I have to give it in a short package. Then I came down to Bangalore and I went to the bus station and now you see, I was a naughty child also. A naughty boy. Since I was rich, you know what rich people do? They don't care how they dress, or do this and that. I had that pigment, you see, so I can't be in the sun. I had a huge sombrero hat like this, boots with pink finches, this is 1978. And I am having a American sunglasses, big like this, popular at that time. Big like this. And I had a t-shirt, because you had to stay sexy also. Stopping here. And I had cut jeans, with finches and I had Jesus sandles. Me, coming to India. [Crowd laughing] Look how beautiful they all are. Me, rich like whatsoever, coming looking like the worst. Absolutely crazy. Coming to India and entering that bus. At that time, there was a very old bus. Not like now. This was 1978. And eh…and in Sweden you see, when you go to a bus, you go and buy the ticket inside the bus. So I was just inside the bus, sitting there first of everyone. Just waiting to go. And suddenly come ladies in with chickens and all kind of things standing in there. [Crowd laughing] And suddenly, there was people on the roof. [Crowd laughing] And then one lady, one Indian lady, came and said something. I didn't know what she said. She said, "Sai Ram". I didn't know that. "Sai Ram. You are sitting in my seat. please." I said, "Oh, no, no, no. This is my seat." No one should move me, you see? So I was just sitting there. And then the gentleman who was the driver, very thin, bald, Indian fellow, come and said, "You have to go out. You don't have a ticket. Go out! Go out! Go. Go." So then I was chased out. And I was just lost there. I made my way into the door, between the saris, you see. Because I was going to come the whole sombrero in there and I was chased out three times. And the bus is absolutely full. There was no place whatsoever. And I screamed to the picture up there. You saw the picture in the bus of Shirdi Baba or Ganesha or whatever it was there, and had flowers and incense there? I screamed, "Please! Please! Help me!" And then I threatened the man, to hit him! You see, I was quite stubborn and strong guy. So I was trying to hit him down, by threatening him.
And then one lady who was sitting in the front said, "No, no no. Just let him come." "There is no place! No place! Out!" And then, "No, no, no, no. He can sit on the motor. There is room there." [Crowd laughing] You know the motors in India? [Crowd laughing] At that time it was an 8 hour ride to Puttaparthi. I was sitting on the motor for 8 hours. And the layers of steel, thin-like. I was sitting like this, and you could hardly meet any other car at that time. If it was coming someone, I looked out and it disappeared. I always looked because I thought maybe some imaginative was going away. That one. So anyhow, I came down to Puttaparthi. Didn't know anything. Everyone white dressed. All the ladies. This is 17th March 1978. And it is 42 degrees in the shadow. I came down looking like that. Imagine this hippy like figure coming there. I just followed a few one because not many people were there. I followed a few people down there. And I was all blistered. All through. So I was walking like this.
I came down to the office, to the accommodation office, which is the same thing, as it was before. And there was that old man who now works in the ice cream store. He sits and collects the money. A very old Sai devotee. He was, at that time at the accommodation office. And I came in there and he raised his head. There was no one more there. Me and someone more. And he raised his head and quickly put down the head. [Crowd laughing] And I was just standing there, "What is he doing?" And slowly he says, "Sai Ram Sir." And then he looked at me. And then I registered and I was used to live in Oberoi, Continental, and I used to be on a level where the rich people were. So then I got a key, you see, and now I was going to my flat, with fan and air condition and everything. That was what I was thinking. I was an important person coming to this place. So I went up there, go in there, and opening…on the way, it smelled a little. [Crowd laughing] For play, I was to think, "What is this?" And then I opened the door and I was just so shocked. I was like, there is some mistake here! There was a broken broom on the door. I just looked at it. I just quickly smashed the door like this and I made my way down to the office again. And at that time he was just closing…closing the hut. And I was coming, "Oh! Sir! Please wait, wait! Someone has stolen my furniture! Please!" [Crowd laughing] I couldn't imagine that the place came without furniture. It is unbelievable in my mind. So then he said, "No, no, no. Mr. Larsson. You have not come for the body. You have come for the soul." He said, "But don't mind. Come now. We will go upto Sai Baba. Darshan is on." And then he took me upto something which I didn't know. Not changed clothes. I came with my sombrero. He took me up. At that time, there was just 2-3 lines. Maybe 500, a thousand people. Something like that. He was sitting down in the first line. And I happened to come out of the first line. We went up through the old Ganesha gate. You know? You all know that. And I didn't even sit in a line. So I came outside him, you see. So, the ladies was there, and I was there and everyone was looking. "What is this? What is it that is coming here?" And I looked back at them. You could stare like this. Just stare. I was…[C.L. and crowd laughing] Of course, I felt a little offended that everyone was looking at what kind of creature was coming in, to the whole place.
So then, then suddenly Sai Baba appeared. And he came from the interview room and he went to the middle portal. You say portal? Yeah, to the middle one. And then he went up and then he was leaning, leaning towards the pillar. He was doing this and this. And suddenly he got hold of me. And he went straight out to me. And went straight out quickly. Not slowly like this, he went quickly down and said, "You have come now!" he said. And I said, "Yes." [Crowd laughing] "Yes, I have come now." And he said, "Where do you come from then?" "Oh, I am coming from Sweden", I said. "No, no, no, no" he said. Then he patted his hair and this mischievous smile you know, he said, "You are coming from Sri Lanka" he said. [Crowd laughing] And then he moved over to the ladies side. And then I had to sit there for four days.
One thing that I would changed my view, in a just a second, he did like this. That was the second day. I was sitting in the front again. In the night, we were not allowed to use water at that time, due to there was not that much, you know. I was in the sink. I didn't want to be in…I was in the sink and having the tap all of the night. Because I was not used to that kind of heat. I mean that was a dreadful experience. So then, in the morning, I went on to darshan. And it happened there came a leper person beside me. And I was brought up in the Maharish's movement. With the kings, and the princes and the doctors and important people were always in the front line. So that was my upbringing in the spiritual movement. The blind, the handicaps, they were hopefully out side the tent, or outside the lecture hall. That was how it was. So the important was the first and the poor ones the last. So when that one was sitting beside me he smelled and he had no nose and hardly any ear and no fingers and he was all wrapped up. And very filthy and dirty. And he smelled. And I told everyone around me, "Please can't you chase him away? Why don't they stop him? Get him out from here?" And I felt that I was going to get that disease. And then Baba appeared, while I was making my way. Baba appeared. Now there in the portal again. Then he was looking like this, very serious first. And then he smiled. And I thought, "Oh! He is smiling to me! Oh, there is something special now!" And then he went out walking towards me and maybe, you know there was a round circle before? He went past half of that. He started to stretch out one of his hands. And I thought that he was doing that for me. So I stretched both my hands like this. [Crowd laughing] And it seemed just half a meter, that was meant for me. But in a second, just when I was going to touch his hand, he went down to the leper man and just lifted him up and in they went. End of darshan. Only that man. That changed my whole life. [C.L. begins sobbing] That changed…it was so touching. Because I was the one that was set aside as a child, in that sense, so when you see how he moved about and just picked the last one…the last was the first, as Jesus said. The last will be the first. And that was the case here. And I was so shocked I went back and I cried. I cried in my sink, so the tears mingling with the showers from the tap. I was so sad for my upbringing. That I had been brought up in a manner to disregard the poor. And that , by a spiritual master. And his movement.
Things very quickly changed. And then I went back and forwards now…first I went back to Sri Lanka. And the picture and the Baba and who was it and why it come to be. When I went back, I decided I had to go back to that cottage and find that man and say "Thank you. Thank you for your help me." I hadn't got it you see? We say the coil hasn't fallen down. What do you say? [Crowd: "The light has not come on yet"] The light has not come on yet. So I went down to the cottage and I knocked at the coconut stick. And then there came an little Indian lady, you know these ladies who look like this? Who sweep the flooor, bend to the floor so much they are bent like this? That little one came out and I asked, "Can I see your son please?" And she said, "I have no son." She might have been 70 or 75. And I thought she was lying for me, so I went around because they are cooking, cooking on the backside. I thought that he might be doing something there. So I went around and there was, of course, no one there. I went inside and there was full of batik. Batik. Batik, yeah. Full of batik, the whole thing. No picture of Sai Baba. Just the batik. So then, I went back and forth. Like this. And Baba always greeted me, in the sense that he called me in for interviews and interviews and all these things. And he always asked me, "What are you doing?" And I said, "Oh, I am selling lots so they can build there. I am building houses." And he made the most ugly faces all the time. He asked the question, got the same answer. And he went…
On the fourth trip, and that is about '79 or something, I asked him why he was making the faces. And then he asked me again, "What do are you doing there?" And I says, "Same thing as I told you last time. I am selling the land." And then he said, "No good. No good", he said. And then I said, "I have an idea that I would like to sell this land, I was offered 22 million, I would like to sell this land and Baba was, at that time, starting to have an idea of building a new hospital. And I was thinking that maybe I could share the money that I get and give it to him for the hospital. And then he said, "No. No good money. Untaxed money. Nothing good will come out good from it", he said. And then I said, "What to do then?" So then I said, "Yes, but, what shall I do then?" And then he said, "Just give it away." "What!?" [Crowd laughing] "Shall I give it away?" "Yes, yes, give it away." "To whom?" I said. "To anyone you meet", he said. I went back to my room and I had a night full of mares. Do you say mares? Nightmares. Give it away. Not give it away. Fortune. Poorness. Poverty. It all went. It was like a turmoil. And at that time, before, just before Baba closed the door, he took me off in the interview room, he made a very peculiar face at me. You know when you see Baba with the sneaky face? He can somehow show. I had that in the memory. In the sparkling of his eyes. There was something on, you see? So then I decided, "Yes. I will just give it away. I don't give a damn about it. Just give it away."
So then I arranged with the post office, which were, at that time, outside the ashram. I send the telegram there, telling my bank to arrange with my lawyers that I was coming soon and they have to be at Mt. Lavinia hotel at a certain hour because I wanted to come and sign myself out of the company. And I wanted to give it to a certain person. I had already made up my mind. There was a clerk in my company who was a Catholic man. He didn't like Sai Baba, but he liked God. He liked Jesus. And the Buddhists and the Hindu's and all these people, they had a way of beating him up. You see. He was the lowest one. They beat him with sticks as soon as they could. And he was such a good man, I mean. He was so trustworthy. So lovingly. So I decided he is going to have it. And he didn't know anything. There were collected about 20 people, lawyers and everything. There up at Mt. Lavinia hotel. It was just outside. We had a conference room there. And we had a smorgas table there. A smorgas table is a huge big table where you put food on. But now there was no food. There was just papers to sign. And there was one signature that I had to do, except for mine. There was James Jacob, James Jacob, James Jacob, Conny Larsson, Conny Larsson, Conny Larsson. And then I did that and all these lawyers and all these important people who thought "Who is going to be the successor?" They were walking beside me, thinking "James Jacob, yeah". And they started to smile at him and all these Dracula teeth came out. [Crowd laughing] And they started to smile at him. And off I went.
I went out free from the company. Absolutely broken. With an empty American card. An empty American Express card. There were no pipeline longer coming. [C.L. laughing] So then I went back to Sri Lanka, no back to India, and I went up to Puttaparthi. I just came for Darshan a little, a little late, Baba had started it. So I sneaked in like that. And then he saw me coming sneaking also. So then he went up and he said, "Well done." And then he went. And next day, I was called, or in the afternoon, and I saw that now there was something on his mind. There was no smile. There was no mischievous anything. It was just that hard…there is one picture when Baba has very strong eyes. You've seen that picture? Where he looks straight. That was the only face that he gave me. And he called me in for an interview together with some Indians. And he was so friendly with them, playing and making all these manifestations and all these things. And I thought, uh, he didn't look at me. He was just like that. I was sitting in the corner and I was happy to be free. I thought, you see, that now I will be in Puttaparthi. Forever. I will be at the terrace forever. I will go, as usual, in the Mercedes way, forever. I was still in that kind of idea that that I had given everything away, of course he will take care of me. But I wanted to be taken care of as I wanted. Not that he wanted and that was absolutely opposite.
So finally, he said goodbye to all the Indians and then he closed the door. And, and that was the only time that I have seen Baba lock the door from inside. And he locked these…what do you call? For the windows. And then he said, asked me, "How do you feel?" "Oh, I am so happy Baba! I'm so happy!" And then he said, "Yes, very good. Very happy." Then he said, "Now, you go home." [Crowd laughing] "What?!" "Yes, you go home", he said. "Home?…you mean to Sri Lanka?" I said. "No. No, no, no. You go home to Sweden" he said. "Sweden!? Sweden, Baba!? No!" "Yes, you go home to Sweden and do your duty", he said. "No! Baba, no!" And then I started to cry. I fell at his feet and I hold his feet like this. I was screaming to him, "No! Don't do this to me!" And now, I saw the picture you see? A new lila, a movie. How he was cheating me all the way through. From that cottage, suicide and all that. How he was cheating me all the time. He was out for my $22 million. Absolutely obvious, I mean. I was down there holding his feet. That thief, you see? He stole my money! [Crowd laughing] I was just downbroken. I was crushed. And then he took…either he took my shoulder or my face, I don't remember because I was so upset, and he looked at me with these eyes, you see? He looked straight on me. "You go to Sweden and do your duty", he said. And then he just flushed, he just flushed…he gave me…do you say that? With that smile with love. That very special thing. So, somehow melted and at that time, I had screamed loud, in there. So they were running up to the door and knocking, "Sai Ram, Baba! Sai Ram, Baba! Sai Ram, Baba!" [Crowd laughing] And then he said, "No, no, no, no. Everything is okay. Sai Ram. Sai Ram." [Crowd laughing] Because they was thinking that I was fighting with him. [Crowd laughing] So, so, so then finally, I was left there on the floor. He opened the door finally and out he was and I was so [C.L. and crowd laughing] Sitting there. He left the room and I was sitting there. I could have done whatever I liked. He got my $22 million. And I was just there on the floor.
So I finally crept up from there and sneaked away to my room and I had a dreadful night, of course. Next day, I was called in again. And then, and he asked me what I had decided to do. And I said, "Please don't do this to me because I want to be here. I have no home Baba." "Yes, you have your cottage there", Baba said. Before I left the hotel, I had bought a little cottage. It was just there. "You have your cottage there." "What should I do there Baba? I want to be with you!" "No, no. Do your duty. Duty is worship. Worship is God", he said. And then, "But I…I want to be here." And then he said, "No. You go home and take care of the criminals, drugs addicts and murderers." [Crowd laughing] "I can't do these things! I don't know anything. I have no education. Why do you say this to me?" And he said, "This is what you are good at." "I have never done it! I didn't do anything!" He had sent me away to do a duty which was absolutely impossible, I mean. How can I, a former actor, a mis…how do you say? A bad business man, in the sense that I didn't cope with it, suddenly go to take care of these kind of people. I had never heard such a stupid thing! [Crowd laughing] So then, anyhow, he somehow converted my mind. So I just said, "Yes. Yes I do. Yes." And then he finished it off and then he said that, "When you come home, there's going to phone a lady in three days. And whatever she says, you say 'yes'". $22 million! - Yes. That was the difference you see, the balance.
So I went to my room again. I locked my in for two days. I didn't go out. I just stayed there. And there came a knocking on the door. I wasn't there. There came a knocking at the door. The ice cream man came, I wasn't there. He came for two days knocked at the door and then he knocked and then I know you are there. I didn't answer. And then he slipped this…slipped a paper. I know you are there! So then finally, I opened the door and he said that, "Everything has been arranged. You are having the ticket. The car is there. You just have to go now."
So then they drove me to Bangalore at that time and off I went. I came home to my little hut, at the lake, there and then I was thinking, "What to do?" I didn't know what to do. I just had a message to wait for that woman to phone me. So I was sitting there. I was able to sing 10 to 20 bhajans like this, "Hari Anandamaya", oh these simple songs. [Crowd laughing] So I was just sitting there. I made a little shrine in one of the rooms in there. I opened the windows because there was fresh air and "Hari Ananadamaya". I was sitting all the day there. All the day. Having some tea and meditating and doing this thing. The neighbors came in and looked. "Oh!" [Crowd laughing] And I was just sitting there.
And one of these neighbors happened to have a friend, or some relative, that was in the criminal business. And he had probably talked to her. Because, in three days, while I was singing, the phone rang and there was a lady there asking me if I was that crazy man that she had heard of that had come from India. And I said, "Yes." [Crown laughing] And then she asked, "Can I come?". And I say, "Yes." And she said, "Can I bring a friend with me?" I said, "Yes." [Crowd laughing] And then, they came. We spend about 10 hours together. The thing was that the friend was a drug addict and he was so stoned, when she came with him. And he was on amphetamine. He had little case with him. And he tore the whole house upside down during our 10 hours of talking. He turned the bed, he was moving the pictures, everything in the house. He just made it a turmoil. And after a while, he lay down and fell asleep at the deerskin that I had got from Maharishi, which was placed just in front of Sai Baba, his picture. And then he fell asleep and then she said, "Oh, I am very tired. I have to go. Thank you very much." And then she went. I was stuck with that guy! [Crowd laughing] And that was the beginning of Kärnan Institute. That's an institute for criminals and these drug addicts, that Baba put me in, in charge for. So that is what I have been doing for 18, no 17, no, yeah, 19 years almost. That's what I have been doing since then.
And I go down there with the patients, off and on, and Baba takes care of them and tell them what they are doing for wrong and what they are doing for good. And so that's what I am doing now. And time has changed. And I have learned how to deal with these people now and that has become so well known, in our country. So the ministers, and all these people, they come and watch us, they come and look for us and, "What are you doing? And who is Sai Baba?" And the radio people came, come and the press people come and nowadays, the papers are full of stories about our home, of our success. Usually we treat people, severe people. Not just the ones who smoke a little hash-hish and all this. But the ones who go around and murders people and take drugs every hour. These people is the one we care for. And that was the message from Baba. To take care of the worst ones that no one could handle. So my occupation now is to go into the prison and meet the people there. I have a day with them there. I spend a day with them. And usually, they are very tense and very violent. But I finally, I ask them, "Do you want to hear my story? How I came to become a normal person?" And if I am not too pushy, if I just listen to them a little while, then they want to hear my story. So then I tell them the story I have been telling you now. And then they all apply to come to our place.
And Baba once said that…I wanted to quit, this was in '83. I wanted to quit and do something else. And he said, "No, no, no, no. You have to do it until you are 52", he said. "I have many more people to send to you", he said. So, since he said that I know he's guiding me and guiding the one that has to come to get it. So he is doing the whole program. He has set the program from the morning. We start to meditate from 7. We keep on doing the program. We do the horses that you have seen now. We stop with meditation in the evening and it goes all the year through. In the meantime, we go to Sai Baba one time a year though.
What I am doing, just right now, is that Baba has changed the schedule. I am just…first it was like this, now I am on the edge. I am 50, I am 2 years more to go. The jumbo is going in two years. That you know the lecture for some years ago where Baba declared the jumbo is going to take off in 5 years? And this is now 2 and half years left. And the jumbo is going and he asked everyone to come on to the jumbo. I am going to be on the jumbo. Even if just as the luggage! I am going to be there. So then he has changed the way of interacting, so now, I am just headmaster of the place. Now he keeps me going all around the world, as I was invited. I never go anywhere if I am not invited. So, he rides me all around the world. Just to share this story. Because that is what Baba wants to bring to everyone. The lila that he can play on just one simple, little person. Rich and poor and whatever. Sick or healthy. He just do like this and then it's done.
And then you might think, what happened with all money? Then afterwards, that company faded away an I was just standing there, had no money. And now, it is all back again. It's all there, having these 60 horses which we are breeding. We are taking care of all these prisoners. We are having 10, each time. They are staying for 2 years, and they are the worst. They are the one that usually not are treated. In the prison, they can't handle them. Or in the mental institutions. Because they sneak out do bad things, so then they try to cope with, by sending them to us. Now, there are Baba people taking care of them. There is one psychoanalyst who is a Buddhist. And there is one priest who was a former patient, which happens to be the role in the film that we are making. Which Al is going to, and…What do you say? Play. Play. So he has been in Sweden and met the priest and he is a Christian man. And me. If you call me Hindu, that is okay. And now we are waiting for the Muslim, you see? We have to have a Muslim and we have to have a Jew there. Then we have done all that. If we can do that there, because they always say that war starts with the religions an all these, that might not be true. But that is the opinion in the world. And if we can make peace there and be on the same spot, taking care of the worst, then we have done our piece and our little place and then Baba's mission will succeed. Absolutely. If we can do it. So we are waiting for 2 more teachers. 2 more people that voluntarily come and say, "I can be the one that do it for you." So if someone feel obliged to be a Muslim or a Jew, and having the capacity or whatever you say, then we can talk later.
So that is what I am doing there now. And the film program is coming up. The news program is full of Sai Baba. And it is the first time in our history in Scandinavia, that Sai Baba has been brought up publicly. And that lady who made that little film, who went nationwide then, in Sweden, on danes so all the Danish people can see the Swedish television also. It went to Scandinavia. And when they, and when she was filming us, I was talking about all kind of things. Two days she made it. Every hour, she was shooting, shooting, shooting films. And I thought what could this be for? What kind of program will it be? She didn't know anything about Baba when she came. Nothing. And what she did was a program about Sai Baba. There was only about him. And his program. So I was amazed when I saw it, because that was just, what I was thinking it was going to be. So he just twisted it and now everyone knows about Sai Baba. Everyone knows about him. What the message is, that he's pure love, his service, and everyone is invited to come and participate in that. Everyone knows him now. So no one can say, "Oh, I have never heard of him. Never heard of that." It's all there now. So that is how he making his lilas play in Sweden. I am sure that he is doing elsewhere also.
So, there is nothing more I will share with you now. By the way, 1983, I went back with 3 of my patients. 2 of them were behaving very bad. And Baba was going to Madras. We followed. And then he, uh, he uh, then I became very uneasy with this. That they were not behaving. They didn't go for the meetings in Madras. They did not for bhajans. They were running helter skelter in the town and I was trying to send them home through the embassy.
So then I approached Baba in the Madras place. Do you know that Madras place? Yes. Yes, Sundaram. Then I approached him and he said, "You come to Puttaparthi." So then I run back and told them that we were going to Puttaparthi. On the way back, I found one of the boys who was doing some opium in the train, from Madras to Bangalore. And I was so upset. How could he do these things? Being with God himself and doing these things. So then we came there and Baba immediately called us in for an interview. And he was like this, he was "Uhh". And then he was sitting there and Baba said, "What are you doing?" And he said, "Oh, nothing." "Yes. You are smoking." And then he said, "No, no, no, no. I am not smoking." "You are taking drugs", Baba said. "No, no, no, no" "Don't lie for me!" Baba said. And then he manifested a photo of the man, the boy, smoking in the bathroom in the train! [Crowd laughing] Sitting like this. And then he show the boy, "Don't lie for me. Never, never lie! Never lie!" And the boy started to cry and the other one who had done something else, he had chewed the opium. He had the opium inside. "And what about that"…and he pointed at the stomach. And then Baba put his hand on the stomach and just made like this, and the boy started [1st tape ended; 2nd tape begins] What did you eat? "I can't handle this Baba. I'm on duty." "No. No, no, no. I am on duty" Baba said. "You are rest. You should rest. This is my own duty. Take care of your business" Baba said. [2nd tape ends]
Hello. Yes? So Sai Ram again. Can't say it enough. Today in the morning I wasn't aware much that I was going to speak to the youngsters between 12-16. But anyhow, the boy that is in charge of taking the speakers around he fetched me and said "You are going to speak for them". I didn't know what to bring out. So I told the usual story that I told for you but in a little more humorous way, since they were children. They had a good laugh since on and then.
I felt that Swami wasn't satisfied with that. There was something more that I had to bring out. And since I am not ever using notes or something, it's just flowing from the heart. So then I asked them after. They were happy with the story I brought out. They were listening very heartfully. And then I asked them, "Do you have any questions then?" And I said, "And no question is stupid or no question is dumb. You just ask me the questions." And then they started to ask small questions and I thought that "Why am I in America? Why have I come here?" And I was starting to think that Baba has told why he has come. He has come to put up the Sanathan Dharma. Bring back the Dharma. And I was speaking for the young generation and I thought, "What should I bring them?" More than just this story when Baba saved me on Sri Lanka.
So then I remember that I always say that I will never go to America, to that country with drugs and criminals and all these things. I kept saying this for years. And in one year I have been here 3 times now. And I don't know why. I am always invited and then I go. Baba said "Yes" to me, I say "Yes" to him. So now I will tell you what I told them. Because this has something to do with the Sanathana Dharma. Push back the, or put in place the Dharma again to save the world. So you will see what a great country you are living in and what a future Baba has planned for you and for the whole world.
Now Baba speaks that the jumbo is on going. That we have heard in the lecture for few years. The last years. That the jumbo is taking off. You know that? The jumbo is out on the strip, he is gearing it up, and soon it will take off and he ask the passengers to "come on, come on". There has also been said that all the saints, all the angels, everything he has brought them down for to be the tools in his mission of putting the Dharma back on Earth again.
So then I remembered once when I was sitting like, "These guys were sitting on the verandah all the time." I was asked to come up for an interview. I had an interview the day before. This was 1981. I think this was 1981. I was sitting there up on the verandah together with a psychotherapist from Sweden. We were the only in the Swedish group that was invited up at the verandah. And I had seen a boy, an American boy. I didn't know that he was an American though. I had seen a blonde boy moving with the schoolboys, just in the middle. These were the days where they walking very carefully from the schools. Like an army coming. Angels. We always looked up at them as Angels. We from our country. And suddenly, in the middle there, there was coming a tall boy, half meter above, it was like a dot over i. And he was walking just in the middle all the time like this coming. And I was jealous you see. I told you the story about how Baba kicked me out once. Not for good though, but he did it. And you know what I had done since then. But then I was thinking, "Who is this boy?" And I was pondering all over, all over, all over. He might at that time have been 12-14 years like that. Tall guy, at least compared to the Indians. They are quite short. So he was a half meter or 2/3 meter above them. And I was pondering on that.
And then Baba called us two for an interview. And we felt proud, "Oh, second interview very good, now we go up!" And then he called everyone in and then he said, "You two stay." And then we felt, "Oh, we are not coming in for the interview." So then we went back onto the verandah, in the middle of the verandah somewhere. I was leaning towards the pillar and the other psychotherapist was also leaning, so we were leaning like this. And then, I started to think, "Who is that boy?" And you know at that time, if you spoke at the verandah, you were just out. There was no way of sitting there speaking. At least not the Westerners though. But I am a sneaky boy, you see, I told you yesterday. I am kind of that naughty guy. So then I whispered very, very gently…You wouldn't have heard it. Like this, "I wonder who this boy is? This blonde guy with the school students."
In 30 seconds Baba opened the door. He just went passing, went up to me and then he looked at me and then he made like this, with the mouth, like this. "Coming president of the United States" and then he moved away. He told that to me and I was just looking at him like this, "Oh, he is taking care of it. He is going to do it. He is going to do what he has told us to do. To put the Dharma in order on Earth." And that was a revelation for me. And I just went to the boy, because he just passed me, and said "Coming President of United States." And that thing, these youngsters down there...now there was some search, they wanted to hear something that was just for them. And I felt that that was the message that Baba for so many years ago placed within this little vehicle. And now I know what I came to America. That was to deliver that message that he has taken care of your country. (C.L. sobs and crowd claps). [3rd tape ends]
Sai Ram to everyone. As usually you know me by now. I need something to hold on to. (C.L. voice trembling) When emotions carry me away. So I will ask for a chair. I normally don't sit when I speak. I'd like to have something to hold on to. This thing about the heart you see, I was listening to Krishnamurthi after the parent discussion before and he was giving us such a beautiful little talk out there. There was someone of us that questioned this or that and he had gently brought out: Just let the mind go. Just from the heart to the heart. And if you have the mind in between then what can you do? He can't come in if there is a mind sitting there arguing all the time in the heart you see? So he asked us just to let the heart go. No. Let the mind go. So in fact, I don't really know what to say but I am going to let the heart go so we will see where we will end up to, in tears of in laughter. Whatever.
We will…Hello? We will back up a little from where we were yesterday. And I think we should go back all up to 1980. This is the story that I told…I will still go on with the sharing. Because I am not a good lecturer. I am quite hopeless though. So I will be sharing with you stuff. I think that is the more proper way of opening the heart and letting the things that he wants come: Inspiration, love and infusion of being, of his being though.
In 1980, 81, there was a Christmas celebration. And you know Baba's lilas? They are all different. And we have heard of them. And I have been out for all these kind of lilas from openly and lovingly or abandoning me. He had all these play with me. All the time. So now I will tell you that we are coming down for Christmas. And I had just gone through the severe operation. I crushed my knee. Is there a problem with the mike? Hello? Hello? No? Yes? (C.L. and crowd laughing) Anyhow…Hello? Hello? Hello? Alright. I will keep on to the chair. So now, I had crushed my knee. One of my divine horses kicked me so bad, my knee was broken in six pieces. I had two legs in one. Just hanging apart. I went through the severe operation and I was scheduled to go to Baba and they told me though "No. You have to stay 3 months hospitalized." I had an iron needle stick, thick like this, all through my heel and I was hanging with the legs like this and I was lying there newly operated.
And I thought, "I can't do it. I just can't come there." And I was so sad. And then, after 3-4 weeks, or something like that. Maybe 5 weeks. People started to come and say, "We can't go. If you don't go, we don't go." And I was usually the one who brought people down there. 30-40 people at a time. And there was all set and arranged. And then they approached the professor of the clinic and said that, "This is the situation. He is leading us. We can take him in a wheelchair, or whatever." And they said, "No. The doctor says no. No way. He's going to be in the bed for at least 8 or 10 weeks." And then, they kept on arguing with the doctors and finally one of the doctors, there were many at the team, said, "On your own risk. Don't involve us in this. It's your own risk."
They put me in a wheelchair and they put me on crutches and they took me all the way down to Puttaparthi. And somehow, in the airplane, no has told them. I came where there was no one in front of me. So I had to sit with stretched leg. I didn't need to bend or anything because I couldn't though. And then, I came down there and Baba was doing something and he saw my situation. And at that time, I had to go on the crutches. And when I go on the crutches, I had to do like this. With the both of the legs because as soon as I did anything it was so hurting. So I couldn't use one of the legs at all. And I was appointed by Baba. He pointed and said, "You lead the choir." (crowd laughing) You know what that means? To lead the choir? And this was just in the beginning when the Christmas celebrations were coming on. In 80, 81 or something. So all the Indians were there. There was just not us. The westerner. All the Indians mingled, mingled with us. So it was a huge crowd going. And I had to go in front and singing Silent Night. (crowd laughing) You see? You laugh. Just watch your diaphragm. (crowd laughing)
Anyhow, that was such a painful experience. But Baba had told me that was what I was going to do. I was singing and going there and all these people pushed faster faster and I couldn't go faster. Like that. And finally we ended up in the morning just when it was still dark and Baba came out on the balcony there. Beautiful white dressed and everyone was singing Silent Night in German. Everyone has trained. And then, I was so ashamed because I was all in tears due to the pain. So I couldn't raise my head to him. So I was just looking down like this. And I felt that he was staring at me, but I didn't raise my head. Finally, I said I had to do it so I raised my head up and I was all crying like this. Pretending that oh, I am so happy. I was just standing there and then he just straight down looked down to me. And he was just staring at me. And then it all ended and everyone went away.
And then we were called to sing once more in the Mandir. And I was just, after darshan, I was under the crutches, on the crutches again. And then Baba said that the Swedish, someone said, I don't know if it was Baba, but we were ordered to sit in the front. The Swedes then the different countries. Countrywise we were going to sit. And the Americans, were at the time, far back. And it came one American there who sneaked into our Swedish group. And I thought that was improper, so I was standing, now Baba's entrance is there. His chair was here. The door is there. You know the mandir? I was sitting there and then I stand up. I was helped by the others, to chase this person away since I was the leader of the group. So then I was standing with my crutches, leaning on one leg, "You, you, go there! Go there! No! No! No proper! Go! Go!" And finally that American boy went back. "Good. Good, your country."
And by the way you see, I didn't see. Suddenly, all faces changed and I didn't understand why. There was someone sneaking in behind my back. And of course you would know who coming through that door. I was standing, "You go! You!" Like that. And then Baba was coming up and he just came behind me, like a snake like that and he took the arm, his arm like this, and then he whispered in my ear, "So you are God's little singer?" he said. And I just dropped everything. I dropped everything and I was falling down like this, turning and holding his robe. Hanging myself down on the floor. Felling at the floor, while he was holding me like this. And then, he somehow made me move back to my place and then the thing was over and I was accelerating inside, "Oh, I will never wash myself more." Now he has hold on to me, God!
So then came the afternoon. This is the Christmas day. Somehow, you know, in the old compound, not as now, there was a tree on the man's side, where there was a little sign saying "Silence Always". It was always there. And I usually never was leaning because I wanted to be first row, as we always want to be of course. But then, somehow I happened to come there. Also due to my crutchy thing. So then I was sitting there and I had so much pain and I was feeling so bad, so I was thinking, "Oh, Please, please Baba! Do something! You have to do something!"
And then Baba is coming, he is coming from the…I didn't sit where these crippled people and handicapped people was. Because I didn't consider myself as a cripples. I had to sit there and there was tons of people and lots of Indians though. So then, when Baba came, he passed me and while he was passing me, onward, suddenly, all the Indians just jumped on me, they run over me and my leg was shaking like this. And I had so much pain. So I thought, "Oh you man! You don't pass me!" And I was thinking, I was using the word, that pain can do you use. These words you see, I went directly to him and I condemned him because he didn't do anything. He just passed me as if I was air.
And then, he was maybe 4-5 meters away from me, this was here, not here, this was here, the condemnation. So then he said, "What?" And then he turned. And Baba usually never go back you see. When he just passed you, that is it. The day is over. He went back and he came walking towards me, looking. No smile or anything. And he was just looking and you know the picture I was talking about yesterday? With the eyes, these Shiva eyes on you? "Up!" he said. And I thought, "Ah! Out. This means out!" I thought. And I said, "No, no, no, no, no. Please!" "UP!" like that. I said, "No! Please!" "UP!" he said. Three times he said it. And then suddenly people just raised me up on the crutches. And then, he said, "Come out." And I thought, "Now my day is over." It's the end of our relationship. Then, I was just standing, "No, please Baba!" He said, "OUT! Come!" I said, "No. Please!" I said. "OUT!" And he meant to come out on the compound. So then people somehow opened up and on the way, I dropped one of the crutches. I had only one crutch and I had such a difficulty to come through. And then he took me out there, on one of the crutches, and I had to use one crutch and one leg and letting the other leg hang in the air.
And then, he said, "Throw the crutch!" he said. Now, I was just in the middle of the ring, the old ring, you know? It doesn't exist longer. But the old ring, just in the middle, just on the outside there, he said, "Throw the crutch!" I said, "No, Baba!" And then he said, "Throw the crutch!" "No Baba!" I said. And then, on the third time, he said "Throw the crutch", there was someone just hitting the crutch like that. So it just flew off my hand. And I was just standing there, on one leg. Just standing there.
And then he said, "GO!" I said, "Now Baba, please! Baba please!" Just a few weeks after the operation. At least, I had 10 weeks before even touching the floor like this. I was supposed to stay in the hospital for 3 months. And then he said, "GO!" And I said, "NO!" the second time. And then he said, "GO!" with a big voice like this. And I don't know what happened, there was some explosion from my feet, coming from Earth, going all the way up and blow my mind. No conscious whatsoever. And from that moment, I don't know anything about what happened.
There is a video here in American somewhere. There is some Jack or something, that is having that video. Because they happened to film there also. There was one of these video guys who always hangs around before. (crown laughing) Not James though. I'm sorry I said it. And that man had filmed the whole thing without me knowing, of course. Baba knows everything we know. But I didn't know anything about it. From that moment when this bubbles came, or electricity, or whatever it came. It went out through my head and blow my consciousness. I don't know anything. But I have heard it and have heard people say that have seen the video, I jumped, I screamed, like the cartoons, you know? Like that. I jumped around shouting and screaming and run up to the ladies there. And somehow, I ended up in the interview room. I didn't know what. Baba was doing the darshan. I somehow made my way up to the interview room. With the two legs. Without pain or anything. I didn't know.
So then, suddenly, I hear a voice saying, "How is your leg, sir?" I was quite far away the voice. "What about the leg, sir?" Nearer, and a third time, "How is your leg?" And suddenly, I was in the interview room. And then, and then he was looking. He was very excited to hear what about my leg. And I said, "What about it?" I said. "How is it? Can you bend the leg?" And I stretched out my leg, "Yes I can bend it."
So that was the story how Baba, in just an instant, healed me from that thing, from using the crutches. Of course, I didn't go back to the crutches at all.
What I wasn't expecting was the reaction, you see. Because I didn't know what happened out there. So when I came out there, there were tens of thousands of people outside talking, babbling and babbling. And when I went out there, Baba just opened the door and out with you. Finished, now you go. So when I came out, all these Indians you see, they were so upset. They were talking, they were coming towards me. And I was so frightened. "Oh! What is this?" And they were coming just to touch me. And I thought, "What an awful thing to go through." All these people because there was nothing special in the sense though. So then, the Swedes, all the Scandinavian people, quickly, they were waiting for me. They quickly made a wall. Wall? Do you say wall? Around me. So they have to go with me. All the way down there to secure me because they would have pushed me too. They would have pushed me because they wanted to feel me, they wanted to talk to me, they wanted to drag me long and tell everyone.
So that was the hardest story about how I was healed. And that was about 1980.
Then, there is many stories you see? Many, many stories. I can tell you one little more sharing also. Once more. I had. I was usually the leader of the Swedish groups coming to Baba. And one time there was a time there was a boy who had a very severe asthma. And at that time, there were no concrete in Puttaparthi. There was only sand. And you know what the birds did? They pooped all over. And that was mixed on peoples feet and everything was in the air. And we got the famous Puttapathi cough. Many of you, from the older days, know what the Puttaparthi cough was. Dreadful thing.
And he was severe asthmatic when he came. And he nearly died. A young boy and his father. And he had such a night, and I had to stay in the same room as them. And he was coughing (C.L. makes severe wheezing sounds), like that. All the night. Nothing helped. And then finally the father was so angry at Baba. He was furious! "What is this God? What is he doing? Why can't he just help him?" And I thought, "How can I go on with this?" It just became such a pressure in the Swedish group.
So then, finally, one morning I sat up early in the night, I sat up and wrote a letter to Swami and saying, "I have two big problems in the Swedish group. You have to attend to it directly." And I wrote what it was. And then I really into it. Really, really writing to him. And I prayed to him, "Please take care of this!" And then, in the morning, I figured out "No. This is not right. I can't say what is too big problem." So then I opened the letter and crossed out "big problem". I crossed out two "big problems" there. And I said, "I have problems in the Swedish group." And then I folded the letter and when I happened to come in the front row, and the father and the son also was there.
And the father was so angry, so he could have slashed Baba, he was furious. And the son was sitting (wheezing) there. And then Baba came and he didn't look at them. He didn't care. And the father was so crushed because…the father was there, the son was here and I was here. So when he passed the father, I thought "Oh, just he doesn't do anything Baba". I was prepared he was going to…I was sitting with the letter like this and Baba stopped and looked at the letter. He just took the letter, like a cigarette. Not like he used to do, like this. He took it between his fingers like this. He was standing like this. And then he leaned to me, "What about the two big problems?" he said. And I was just standing. "Oh yes. Please Baba they are so sick, please help them." "In the afternoon I meet them. In the afternoon, interview." And then he went.
Next afternoon, he came and he called us in. And then he attended to that boy immediately. Immediately, he told him what to do and everything went very smoothly away. That's the way it went. And the father he called in a second time. Him and someone else. But he had him to wait. And the father, outside, he had some interview with one and then with him. And the father told me after how Baba solved the situation because he was so furious. He was so furious at Baba. Even though Baba had already taken care of the boy. He was very furious. So then, he came into the door, standing behind the door and then Baba was sitting in the chair and then he said, "Come closer." And then he took one step because he didn't want to go closer. "Closer", Baba. And then he kept on doing all the way until he was at his feet. And then he asked him to sit. And then he patted the father and told him, "Don't you know I am always with you? Everywhere, here and there?" And then the father after he materialized a huge, big ring for him. Which he always carries and then he sent him away. That was a very easy problem.
Now, I will show you something. Many people has all kinds of manifestations. And I have been also lucky enough to have also these huge things called talismans or whatever.
I prayed, this was 1983, I prayed home that I felt I didn't want to do this Institute business longer. I didn't want to hang around all these drug addicts and criminals that was pestering my life. Even though it was the duty that Baba had asked me to do. So I prayed, "Oh please Baba change my identity. Please, give me my right identity." Right? You say "right"? "Please give me a jappamala which I can work with." And I prayed that at home.
When I was there I completely forgot about it. So I was called for an interview there with the Swedish group and then suddenly he, just in the middle, he stopped and said, "What about your identity?" I said, "What do you mean?" "What name do you want?" he said. And then it came the name. It just sprouted up and it was "Sathya". So then, he then baptized me as I thought as "Sathya". "Sathya" you all know means "truth". And that was, if you think back as yesterday, that was my torch. The light and the truth that was my torch in life who always led me through all these miseries that we have to go through.
And then he said, "Do you have a japa?" And I said "Yes." I had one of these wooden japas. So I took it and he gave to me and he said, "Do you know how to do?" And I had seen him before learning other people to do japa, which he has manifested. "Yes. I know." "Show me," he said. And then I was showing him how to do it properly. Keeping the three gunas out. The jiva and the Brahman should touch each other we keep the three gunas out with the japa. "Very good boy," he said. Usually he doensn't say "very good boy". He says, "rogue", "too fat", "no good". He always trying to tease with me.
So then suddenly he leaned over and I was sitting just by his feet. I am a sneaky one, you see. If I am not afraid, usually I am not, nowadays, I always stick to his little, what do you say? Where he put his feet. I was there. And then, suddenly, he held out his hand and then he materializes a jappamala, which happens to be this jappamala. And it came out, I even could hear it. I could hear it, like a rattlesnake coming and then suddenly it came out. I was knowing that this for me. This was mine! And then he made a lila. So then he was just sending it around so everyone could see. But ooh beautiful.
This was silver-like and these pearls were crystal clear. Now they are very dirty and not anything silver-like though. Taken from me, the dirt. Hopefully. So then I was there and I fell at the floor immediately. Because if he would have seen my eyes, he wouldn't have given to me. Because this is mine. No. No. And I heard what the people were saying as it moved around. And I was just bending down there and then I thought I can't lift my head because the greed was so strong in me. This is mine, Baba!
So then he teased me with the feet, you see. Sometimes he tease you with the feet. My head was down there. He teased with the cheek. So he took his big toe and then he moved it up like this. He moved my head up with it. So I was just sitting up. And then he said, "Do you like the japa?" "Yes Baba, I like the japa!" "Do you want the japa?" "Oooh!" (crowd laughing) I didn't dare to say "yes" because you don't know, you see?. If you say "yes", no you don't get japa. So I was leaving it all up to him, you see? And then, and then he said, "Yes. You are going to have the japa." And he just put it on. That was the story about the japa. And that was 1983.
And years passed by and now we are, there are hundreds of stories though. But I can go with one more. Probably, some more. I was lecturing in the American group somehow. I was lecturing down in Brindavan, Whitefield. And usually when I am down there, these different countries come and ask me to have these sharings. And I always say "yes" because I am not one that stops when someone is calling for Baba.
So I was sitting on the football plane. You say that? Between the students, between the school and the students quarter and ashram itself. You all know that? There is a football plane, then there is the theater and the university or whatever they call it. And here is where we sleep and Baba's darshan place. Then you know where we are? Out in the grass there.
So we were sitting in the middle and this was a huge, big place. That is surrounded by wall or tree wall. So no one can enter because you have to go through the entrances. There, there is no entrances. There is just the wall with the bougainvilleas and these trees. So I was sitting there. This was when the Russians just started to come. So we were about 40, 45 people outside there. 50 maybe. There were some Australians and some Russians and some Bulgarians. And they were due to have translation all the time because they couldn't speak English. So it took a very long time.
And I told the story, as I did yesterday for you. And then I saw that these Russians, you see, they didn't get it. They thought that this was not possible. He is a liar, that man. And when I was coming to the story about how Baba materialized this (japamala), then Baba played a marvelous lila! I didn't have this (japamala) with me. Therefore now, I am always having it with me. This is broken though. (C.L. getting overcome with emotion) This is how Baba does it, you see? How he gets non-believers to finally come to faith and to believe.
I was seeing that they didn't believe me. And I spent hours there, waiting for the translation. I put in all this. I have cried, I put in all these things that Baba wanted me to do. Open the heart and flood them. So, but they wasn't believing me. Some of them. I just saw it in the eyes. Some fishy eyes were still out there. So then I started to them this story. How I came there how Baba was materializing. I was sitting with my back towards the street. So I didn't see what was happening there, you see? And then, I said "And Baba did like this and there came…" (C.L. imitating Baba's hand movements) and I was just about to say "jappamala" like this, out from his hand, and they saw, because they were sitting in a huge circle. And these Russians, you see, these ladies, they had all kinds of flowers stuck into their hair. Everywhere! And garlands. They were dressed everywhere with garlands. And then there was a picture in the middle of Baba also that they had brought. And I was just doing like this (C.L. imitating Baba's hand movements) saying, "Watch out. Baba did like this and out came a jappamala." While I was saying this, it came a jappamala, this jappamala in fact. This jappamala came flying in the air coming to me so when I did like this (imitating Baba materializing jappamala) suddenly, there was a jappamala in my hand! And this was the jappamala. And I just fainted! I had thought I had materialized the jappamala! (crowd laughing) I just dropped down. And I woke up with someone tapping me and said, "You want the jappamala?" And I was staring at a little boy, you see? Just a little tiny boy with a little afro hair like this. And I was just staring at him. "Is it your jappamala?" I said. "No. No. This is for you," he said. And then I was just staring and then he quietly went away and went out to the little village somewhere down there. And I never saw the boy again.
But the Russians, you see, they had seen the boy coming out from the bushes. Which I didn't see. Coming, running like this. Coming with the jappamala like that. And from 20 meters, he just throw it, while I was saying, "Watch out. Baba was doing like this..." (C.L. imitating Baba's hand movements when materializing the japa). And it so happened it came like that. (the jappamala landed in C.L.'s hand) That was the lila of Baba, you see? Just in the second to get on to the non-believers. The ones without faith. The one that has been pushed down for so long time. He just did it like this.
And I was just sitting. And the Russians, these ladies, they were throwing their hair, taking all the flowers out and pushing the flowers like this out on me and on Baba's pictures. "Sai Ram! Zhza zhza!" Russian. "Boro! Boro! Boro! Boo! Boo!" I didn't know what they were saying. But they probably said something very important. Because they were throwing their hair in little pieces and hugging each other and crying. There was a huge, big lady there and she just fell on me. And I didn't know what had happened. I said, "Sai Ram! Sai Ram! Sai Ram! Please! Please! Please! Please!" Then I quickly made my way with this. Then we end this "Thank you very much. Sai Ram." And then I quickly run away from there. And then I didn't dare to go to more groups that thing that travel. I had about 14 groups that time. And the Russians became the last, or the Bulgarians or whatever country they were. Because they were so strong. And I thought that I had finally manifested (C.L. and crowd laughing).
But of course, that was just one of the lilas that Baba is able to do though. So now I am told that you must go. There are many stories though. But these are are one of the touching ones. I think that many of you might have questions from yesterday and maybe from today that I could answer and so on. And oh, there is one thing I can tell you, that sometimes Baba says one thing to a group and they interpret that and they think "Ooooh". And the next group are getting the opposite. And they "Ooooh". And then they start to argue with each other. And that is how it goes on.
Baba also tells people that we should follow our inner conscience. Always. And that is something I have done always since Baba saved me, as I told you yesterday. There is one thing that Baba has told me, that was far back, in 1979 or 80 or something. The movement was coming on. The organization was coming on in Sweden. And I thought of course he will use me as I was almost the first one that went there. And I then wrote a letter to him telling him all my bad spots, because that is what we are going to do. We should not only praise and this and that. We should always take away all the things that is in the heart which is hindrances from coming closer to him. Because that is what it is all about. Coming closer or he is the most closest though. He has to have room there. I was, I told you a naughty guy. I was an actor and all these things you see. And you know how the Hollywood actors, how they act sometimes? Madonna and all these kind of guys. And I was not quite much different though. So I better tell Baba, I thought. I wrote a letter to him stating every ugly business that I have done. Because I wanted him to know that if he was going to use me, I should have at least told him so no one afterwards could come and blame the organization and put shame on his name for having used me.
So then, I wrote everything down. Very carefully. Four, there were not one paper, there were four papers stacked with all kinds of stupid things that I had done. So then he came. He went up to me. He took the letter. He went in. He didn't call me. In the afternoon, he called me. And then he called me for an interview and then, Baba has a little pile in there, where he stacks the letters on. And my letter was very neatly placed above everyone else. Unopened. I am the sneaky one. He went in there, in the other room, you see? And I looked if he had read the letter. I was just seeing from the beginning for it was in an envelope. Not opened.
And then he said, "Rogue! You come!" Baba calls me "rogue" sometimes. "Rogue! Come!" he said. "Rogue" means "yogi, bhogi, rogi", you see? "Yogi" is very good. "Bhogi" you can bear. But "rogues", you see, they are just eating and sleeping and getting bigger. He used to tease me and in the Swedish group, calling me "rogue" and all this. And slapping. And then I had a peek if he has read it. He hadn't read it. I thought he need to read it. So then Baba came back again and then he said, "Rogue! Come!" So then he took me in there and then he told me to take off my shirt. Which I did. And then he manifested oil. It was some kind of white or silver oil or something coming out from his hand. And then he smeared my head and he smeared my chest. And he said, "Don't you know that I know everything about you?" he said. "Everything! I know this and that." And then he was telling me what he was knowing. And that was in the letter. Then I asked him, "Should I join the movement Baba? Should I join the organization?" "No. No. Stay out," he said. "Stay out." And I was so shocked. Because first he accepted everything that I had written and he also hugged me and then I felt I was not going to be used.
Years after year, he kept me talking on all the retreats. He kept me teaching the meditation, which I do in our country. There is one technique. The light, the guiding meditation. He had me to do all these things. And then 94, you see, when I was there, He called me in. And he was angry at me. It looked so. "Why aren't you in the movement?" "You told me to stay out." "No. No! No! You go into the movement." And at that time, the movement was a little topsy turvy, as it could be sometimes. I say, "No. No, Please Baba. Don't take me into this. You are in my heart and I can do bhajan and all this." "No! No! You go into the movement," he said. "So what should I do there, Baba?" "You go and teach spiritual things," he said. The opposite of what he had said to everyone. And I said, "What? Should I go and teach?" "Yes. You go and teach, teach, teach." And I said, "What is this? Why is he saying this to me?" And then I resisted and then he slapped me like this on both. He kept on doing this thing. I was such a stupid guy. I didn't get it, you see?
So then I thought, "What to do with this?" And now, you see, he took me out there and then he said the same thing in front of all these Swedes that was called in also. And he said, "This boy go and teach. He should teach spiritual things." So all the leaders who was told "Don't let anyone teach." We were told that I was going to do it. I didn't know. I am just a stupid little guy. Useless fellow, you see? And then Baba asked me to do that. So now the teachers had to call on me, this filthy, little, huggly one, you see? So now they call me to the assemblies for the retreats and so on. And I never move unless I am invited to do so. Because I will not impose whatsoever on anyone else because Baba is the prompter. Baba is the doer. Baba is everything. And if he wants us to move, we move. And that is what we have to do.