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| Conny Larsson References: |
[1]: Reference One: http://saionline.org/essays/little_clown.html
God's Little Clown by Conny Larsson
From talks in Prasanthi Nilayam, 1997
Web Posted: August 26, 1999 Bangalore, INDIA
There is a story to my life, which I usually tell when I am visiting Prasanthi Nilayam. He (Baba) invites me to do so [through your requests]. It is due to God's Grace alone that I am here, alive and well today.
I was a fairly wealthy person [Mr. Larson was a well-known actor in Sweden in his youth], and joined Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in the Transcendental Meditation (TM) movement when I was nineteen years of age. I was his secretary, his masseur, and his night boy, i.e. I guarded him at night. In 1975 we had a difference of opinion due to certain circumstances and when he started charging very large sums of money for a certain Transcendental Meditation course. I decided that this could not be right and I told him so, an asked him to change it or stop it. I gave him four days to think about it, after which I approached him again. He inferred that I was wrong, and he was right. I had not agreed of his practices, and I therefore felt, that I had to leave him.
I had been very close to Mahesh Yogi and he had represented to me Truth. Truth was very essential to me, and always had been. That is, as much of the truth as was possible in the West at that time. Since I felt Mahesh Yogi had failed to keep to truth, I had to leave him. Referring to my statement he said that I was 'unstressing' the karma that was 'coming from me'. From then, I gave him his last nightly massage, kissed his feet, and left him.
Extremely disappointed at the events with Mahesh Yogi, and filled with anger I went back to Sweden, and in a form of punishment to my past spiritual efforts, made more money and became richer than ever. I decided that I wanted to live in a 'religious country'. I then emigrated to Sri Lanka where I bought a large tract of land in Batticalou district near Eravur. We built villas on the beach. I had built about forty villas at that time, but in order to get the necessary permission and materials I had to do exactly what was against my very principles and bribe everyone, from the tea boy to the Prime Minister! This was my 'religious country' where I had hoped to find truth! My ideals were being more and more shattered in the world, my illusions were all dissipated and I became terribly depressed in my daily life. I was in the habit of walking along the beach in the early mornings and sunsets, thinking of my life.
One morning when I was on my walks on the beach, the corpses of three young fisher boys were washed up on to the sands. As they lay there, they somehow represented to me the three gunas 2 (attributes) of, Sattwa (purity), Rajas (activity), and Thamas (sloth) in equilibrium. At the age of six I had almost drowned, and had been pulled out of the water unconscious and was revived. When I saw these three boys something in me was affected and I decided to end my life. I thought, "This is the end". I went very early in the morning and prayed, "Oh God, if you exist please come and save me!"
I had never heard of Sai Baba. I went the next morning crying and praying intensely in my state of turmoil, to Jesus, to Allah, to Buddha, to Mohammed—but no one came, there was no response. In desperation I then began walking into the sea and for about seventy meters and felt the sand sucking me in. A man with a shock of frizzy hair, dressed only in an orange colored skirt (dhoti), bare from the waist up and exhibiting a round pot belly, waved to me. I thought he must be one of the battique sellers who often hang around the beach, selling to tourists. I yelled at him angrily, "Go away!". But he simply kept waving at me, to come to shore. I became irritated with him, but he would not give up, so finally I ignored him and just continued walking out into the sea.
Suddenly I felt someone's powerful hand grab me by the neck and the shoulders and pushed me out of the water and lift me and carry me towards a hut. Inside, the hut was empty except for a large picture of a man with a frizzy afro-hairstyle dressed in a red gown. He resembled my rescuer, who stood on one side of the picture, and I stood on the other side. He pointed at the picture and said, "Sai Baba. Go to Him."
I ran back in a frenzy to the hotel where I was staying and, out-of-breath, asked the receptionist, "Who is Sai Baba?". Very calmly and without any expression, as if his statement was a simple fact he replied, "He is God." I replied in a loud astonished voice, "God?!!!". He said, "Yes" casually and he took up the phone and dialed a number. I thought, "He is dialing God!?". He obtained another number and was then told where Baba was.
In my hotel room I packed some clothes and jumped into a taxi to go to Colombo where I obtained travelers checks. The Bank Manager and the teller said, "So you are going to Sai Baba?". I said, "What?!". How would they know? I thought I was going crazy.
At the airport the immigration official took my passport and pressed down his large stamp on it with a loud bang, and it sounded BA-BA, loud and clear. I just stared at him completely bewildered with my mouth open.
I flew to Madras and then to Bangalore. In Bangalore I boarded a bus, which was completely filled up to the brim. I took the only seat which was suspiciously left empty. A lady boarded the bus and said to me, "You are in my seat". I said, "No." My persistance didn't help and I was thrown off the bus. In Sweden (and Sri Lanka) we pay the tickets on the bus itself and I did not know that here, I was supposed to reserve a seat. I got on the bus again and was thrown off again. The bus was now packed to the doors. Somehow I hanged my way in and said to the driver in a loud voice, "You are not going to throw me off this bus again!" After a lot of disagreements, he eventually conceded and said I could sit on the 'oven'. The temperature at the time was about 90 degrees F outside and inside probably 120 degrees F. The 'oven' was the engine, which was openly displayed and visible from within the bus in those days. There I sat on a journey of about 100 miles, with my legs spread wide, being scolded by the heat. Now, I must tell you how strange my appearance must have been to the other passengers on this journey, who were staring at me with their mouths open. I was wearing huge sunglasses, as was in fashion in those days (and only usually worn by women today), a large brimmed pick straw-hat like a sombrero, a short T-shirt which left my stomach bare, and thorn shorts... In this condition I proceeded to Puttaparthi.
After much toil and strife, heat and sweat, the bus finally arrived in Puttaparthi. I got off the bus and walked with my legs wide apart, due to the blisters and burns I had gotten from sitting on 'the oven'. I arrived at the Accommodation Office, and was given a key to my room and was told to go to West Prasanthi. This was in 1978 when there were very few buildings at Puttaparthi. I opened the door of the room, and there was nothing in it but the strands of an Indian brush strewn all over the floor!
Now, I had been used to living in luxury hotels, eating the best of foods and generally living like a king. I rushed to the accommodation office flustered and shouted, "Sir, sir! Someone has stolen all the furniture from my room!" The man at the office calmly replied, "Sir, you have not come for the comfort of the body, but for the Spirit."
I then went for darshan. Baba came out directly opposite where the Ganesha statue is placed. He came to me, caught hold of me and said, "So, you have come at last. Where do you come from?" I replied, "Sweden." He said, "No. Sri Lanka."
The following day I went to darshan and on my left a leper sat down. He was missing some limbs, half his face was missing, he was dirty, and reeking of old urine. I turned disgusted to the man on the other side of me and said, "Sir, please remove this fellow sitting next to me." The man just said, "Sai Ram."
In the TM the front seats had always been reserved for kings and princes, VIP's, parliamentarians, etc., and the poor were hidden at the back. I was not used to this. Baba came out and I thought, "Oh, he is coming to talk to me." He indeed came towards me. He looked at me, bent down and took hold of the leper, lifted him up and said, "Go."
The leper was the only one to have an interview that day.
I was shocked and ashamed of myself. I went to my room, had a shower, and cried literally all night. I cried in shame. Not only had my life been saved (at that time I had still not really accepted that the man on the beach was one and the same as Baba), but Baba had washed away all my impurities. I returned to Sri Lanka and ran to the hut where my previous 'savior' had taken me. I knocked on the door and a lady came out. I asked, "Can I talk to your son."
"I have no son," she replied. "Your husband, perhaps?" I asked. But she said, "I have no husband." I then tried, "The man with the big hair dressed in a red skirt..?" She simply shook her head. I was still not sure who this man was and it was only years later that Baba positively identified Himself as the person on the beach who had saved me.
Many years later, after one of my visits to Swami, I had returned to Sweden. I was breeding race horses at the time and during one incident, I was trampled by a horse and my left knee was badly crushed. I was put in the hospital and my leg was in a cast. When there, some friends came to the hospital and asked me to take a group to Swami. The doctor said that it was out of the question and that I would not be able to walk for at least six months. My friends were insistent and so I went with them, hobbling along on crutches. I sat at darshan with my leg straight out and scared of anyone touching my leg, naturally every second person passing me kicked the leg. Swami took our group in for an interview. I hobbled in on crutches. In the interview Swami said to me, "Get up without the crutches." I protested, "No!"
He said, "Get up," and repeated this a third time. Somehow I got up and as I did so I felt a surge of energy shooting through my leg from the foot right through my body to my head. I was able to walk normally and unaware, started dancing around like a fool shouting, "I can walk, I can walk!" When we walked out of the interview room, I held my crutches high over my head for all to see.
Some years later in an interview Swami said, "What do you do?" I said, "I build houses and sell them." He said, "No good."
The following day He again repeated this question which I answered the same way, and again on the next day He repeated the question and I gave the same answer and said, "If it is no good, what should I do?".
He said, "Get rid of everything." I said, "No!"
He repeated the instruction and again I said, "No!" And again, he repeated it and again I answered, "No!" After much persuasion I suddenly realized that he wanted me to get out of my attachments and devote myself to God totally and I agreed. I asked Baba to whom I should disperse the property. He looked at me casually, and with lifted eyebrows said "To anyone."
I went to Sri Lanka. The first person I saw when I returned, I took to my attorney and had him draw up papers making over my whole estate to this man who thus became an instant millionaire since my estate was worth 22 million dollars. Now, I thought, Baba will take me in as his massage boy, secretary, and night boy, as I had been with the Maharishi and thus I would live for the rest of my days.
I went back to Prasanthi Nilayam and for several days Baba ignored me. Then he called me in, spoke to several other people, looked past me, above me, and behind me, so I knew there was trouble brewing! Finally he called me in for a private interview. He said, "Now you go home." I was shocked and stunned. I looked at him and said very emphatically and in a loud voice, "NO!"
He repeated the instruction and again I said, "No!" He repeated it again and I said, "No Baba! You told me to get rid of everything. I gave away an estate worth 22 million dollars and I don't have a cent to my name now. How can I go home?"
He said, "You must go home. I have work for you."
I said, "In Sri Lanka?". He said, "No. Sweden."
I said, "Sweden!! How can I go? I have nothing!"
He said, "I will take care."
He added, "Go back and you will receive a telephone call from a lady. Whatever her third question is you will answer 'Yes'."
He provided me with a ticket to Sweden where I still had a small cottage to my name. As I had nothing particular to do but was waiting for the call, I spent my days alone singing bhajans. My neighbors, hearing the strange singing, were suspicious and began thinking I had some mental problems. On the third day a lady telephoned me. Her third question was, "Can I come and see you with a friend?" and I said, "Yes."
She arrived with a young boy, whose eyes were rolling, his arms were flying around and he was obviously high on drugs. The lady explained that she had heard that I had been with Sai Baba and she wanted me to assist in her work of trying to stabilize and reform hardened criminals and drug addicts. By the end of the day, she left and put the boy in my charge. I didn't know what to do with him. He had fallen asleep and when he awoke, I asked him to tell me his life story. It was the usual story of a child who had been abused and had taken to crime. When he finished his story I said to him, "Now, would you like to hear my story?" He consented and I told him the same story I have told you today.
This is now the method I use to try to rehabilitate these men and boys. If after hearing my story they break down and cry, then I know they are ready for me to help them and to take them to Swami, who completely transforms them.
This is now my work. Today, I am in charge of an institute, which takes in seemingly hopeless cases of criminals and drug-addicts from prisons and rehabilitation centers when we feel they are ready, after serving a trial period with us. Some of these men and boys are very dangerous criminals and kept under special surveillance. When they arrive, I lock myself in the room alone with them and ask them to tell me their life story. When they are finished, I ask if they would like to hear my story. If they say, 'No,' I know they are not ready to be changed and they are sent back into police custody. This is how we chose them to transform their habits.
Conny is still running his rehabilitation center in Sweden, amongst many other activities. Many of Conny’s inmates are very dedicated to Swami and are showered with His blessings and support for their inner transformation. |
[2]: Reference Two: http://www.snowcrest.net/sunrise/Pbconhis.htm
CONNY LARSSON’S LETTER ABOUT DR. HISLOP’S AWARENESS OF THE SEXUAL ABUSE OF SATHYA SAI BABA
To whom it may concern.
Dear Friend in the expose of all the lies around Sai Baba!
Since I have noticed that a letter about Dr. Hislop is moving around within and without the Sai org. saying that he did not know what was going on with Sai Baba and the students regarding sexual molestation, I can only tell you my story where Dr. Hislop was involved-- for you to decide for yourself what is true or untrue.
I was [T.M. founder] Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s secretary during the year 1973. I did not know about Dr. Hislop then. One day that year, a letter came to Maharishi from this Dr. Hislop saying that he could not stay in the TM-movement because now he had met God in the form of the Avatar of Sai, and Hislop thereupon left the Maharishi and the TM movement.
Maharishi, who had invested much in Dr. Hislop, appointing him as his first teacher in the western world and even having him become secretary for a while, felt bad. He asked me to write Hislop a letter telling him about the beautiful things that were going on within the TM movement and that Dr. Hislop had his natural place in this. He also asked Hislop not to follow this new master because he was Not the avatar at all. Hislop was told he was now following a dark path.
I myself wrote the letter and was very surprised by Maharishi¹s prompt answer to Dr. Hislop but couldn’t do anything else than write what I was told by my master Maharishi. I had never before heard anything about this Sai Baba so I thought he was never anything else than a common Indian Guru fooling his devotees and I forgot about everything after sending the letter. Dr. Hislop was never heard of anymore and I forgot about him, too.
Ten years later, after I had long since left Maharishi, I found Sai Baba as my God and Avatar, and was fully devoted to him in all ways. Then I met Dr. Hislop, now the leader of the Sai org. in USA, when I was down in Puttaparthi around 1983. I was invited to come and tell my life-story that had become popular among the Sai-devotees to Hislop¹s Sai-group that also was visiting Puttaparthi. He had noticed that I was having very many interviews with Sai Baba, both private and with the group.
When I was called I had already during this journey had about 5 interviews and more were to come. When he heard my story with Sai Baba he told me that he was that particular Dr. Hislop to whom Maharishi sent the letter ten years earlier. We then fell into each other¹s arms, praising the Lord Sai¹s skill in planning his mission for us for so long. This was what we believed.
After the sharing-meeting for devotees, Hislop asked me to stay with him and then he asked me why Sai Baba had so many interviews with me. Since I was thinking that everything that Sai Baba was doing with me was divine, I told him the whole story about the sex we had on Baba's wishes (not mine), including oiling, masturbation, oral sex, etc. I saw in his eyes that he was shocked, and he told me that this was something he had to talk to Sai Baba about. We left each other, Hislop shocked and I unknowing what I had caused in him since I thought it to be divine and I was thinking that I had done no wrong by telling him.
It took one day for Dr. Hislop to get himself invited for lunch with Sai Baba. Out he came on his feet faster then ever since he had brought up this question with Sai Baba about his sexual interest in me. We all know Dr. Hislop as a sincere seeker who wasn't going to stop his investigation and so he didn't. Once more he talked to me about it and then he told me that when he brought up he question with Sai Baba, Baba had answered him: "This is not for you, you don¹t understand the divine." When he further asked Sai Baba, he was thrown out from the room and asked to leave. Sai Baba had been very upset with him, Jack told me.
Since I now had in a childlike way shared all my experience with Dr. Hislop concerning Sai Baba’s sexual play with me, it was absolutely clear to him what was going on. He even asked me if I enjoyed it myself. I told him NO –this was Sai Baba¹s action, not mine. He asked me if I ever had felt any improvement in my life force or Kundalini and I told him, No. Sai Baba wanted to do this with me and I let it happen because he was my God. I never at that moment questioned this God.
We never came to talk about this more and we each left Puttaparthi. What he made out of this knowledge, or whether he denied it, is his matter. I told him about the sexual abuse as it was, and it could not have been understood in any other way than just sexual abuse--hence his shocked reaction the first day I told him. If he later denied it, this is then the same as what all the SAI-leaders and denying people within the Sai-org are doing.
It wouldn¹t help if Sai Baba was raping us in public, they would still believe it to be divine since they don't want to lose their faith. We can¹t win over stupidity, we have to leave it and go further on.
So to the question of whether Dr. Hislop knew about the molestations of Sai Baba, the answer is very much YES-YES. Anyone saying anything else is a liar, but what more could we expect from these people who choose to follow a teacher who has been lying for all his life about himself from day one up to this day.
Yours sincerely
Conny Larsson
Former devotee |
[3]: Reference Three: Yahoo Club Bulletin Board
Source: Yahoo! Clubs Bulletin Board
Date: 07-04-00 10.20 AMFrom: Bjorn Sandstrom
Conny Larsson is (was) an professional actor since long and still always performs a play when he talks. This is a well known fact among all who
have known him for some time in Sweden. When he gives talks about interviews, he exaggerates a lot. Those with the same experience can not
recognize what he says. I have myself experienced this. He makes it sound like everything was fantastic and often meant just for him. This is not to talk ill of him. We all know that he does these plays and we have laughed at it for many years. It has been a good play. The story in the magazine Soekaren has many details that has been told in a different way at many times by Conny.
There are many versions and there are always new details each time the stories are told.
Conny Larsson has known Sai Baba since long and always talked about him as God, as his everything. In 20 years he has not talked ill of Baba, and the home he has for drug addicts was based on meditation on Baba.
When Conny since June 1999 very freely talks about sex and Baba, it is not possible to believe it. He just can't have experienced this for 10 or 20 years and behaved the way he has. He has not been a leader in Sweden, but was a centerleader for a small center for a short time. He is well known by
many because of his stories.
It is said in the story in Soekaren that Baba started to masturbate the Swedish young man (boy) called Tom (about 20 years old). During our talks with Tom he never said anything else but that Baba put oil or vibuthi on his genitals. This happened several times. And Tom did not like it. That is all that happened. This story was the start of all sex talks in Sweden. Tom and his mother has never been in the Sai-organization.
Conny says in the article that Swedish leaders has know about fakes and Baba's sex for long time. This not correct. Magnus had vibuthi smeared on his genitals around 1980. He felt it as an blessing. That's all. No one in Sweden has experienced anything more than what has been told here, (excluding Conny). About the rumours and facts many have the attitude of wait and see.
We are not very many registered Sai-workers in Sweden. About half of the Sai-workers in Sweden (25) left. We are still 25 active workers and around 500 that comes to meetings now and then.
I am leader of a small group in west Sweden. I am a member of the coordinating committee.
Sai Ram
Bjorn Sandstrom |
[4]: Reference Four: Open Letter Dispersed On Several Sites On The Internet
Open letter Conny Larsson to Sai Baba
October 25. 2000
Sathya Sai Baba In Puttaparthi, India
Dedication:
This open letter is dedicated to all the true seekers in the world, past and present who boldly offer their life for the sake of the truth.
To those who did not hide behind denials to protect their integrity.
To those who risked isolation, jobs, friends, reputation by coming out in the open with their experiences for the sake of protection of the innocent seekers that is in danger by affiliation with the Sathya Sai Organisation or Sai Baba in person.
To Sai Baba
This is Conny, the Swedish man (boy) that came to you in Puttaparthi 15 of March 1978 who is writing. I am writing to you directly since I know that I can not get through by using your own organisation since they are all living in total denial of the facts that the whole world now is waking up to.
If you by any chance have forgotten me you might remember me as the "Crutch boy", or even as Sathya, you baptised me to that name once in an open interview not knowing what deep meaning it would have for the future to come. That name (sathya) has always stayed in my mind and kept me holding off to the truth even when temptation was there to gain quick benefits.
When I came to you in 1978 I was in despair due to the fact thatI had left my Master Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in 1976, mostly due to organisational reasons. During my time with him I became his personal secretary and loved the duty to serve a holy man with the best of intentions. Under his supervision I educated myself in Rishikesh 1969 to become a teacher of meditation in the age old Shankaracharya-tradition. His own guru was the Shankaracharya of JyotirMath.
In the year 76 -78 I immigrated to Sri Lanka due to the beauty and to the impact that the Buddhist teaching had made on me.
1 changed my occupation and became a constructor of beach bungalows that were sold to prominent buyers from all over the world. It all ended up in the necessity of bribing all ministers for getting permissions and contracts signed. When my conscience told me that this was absolutely wrong 1 could not continue and therefore 1 withdrew more and more from the company. Still trying to uphold my spiritual path I happened to come across the name and picture of you in a little hut on the beach in Beruwala and was advised to go to India.
1 did so after having talked with different persons about you. My expectations were high. The people I talked to were praising your glory and told me that you were able to manifest things from thin air by your own hand and also that you were an AVATAR. Some people said you were an incarnation of the known Shirdi Sai. Also that you were God in human form.
When I finally arrived in Puttaparthi March 1978 I was absolutely exhausted after 2 days of travel and it was 42 degrees Celsius in the shadow. Not many people were there maybe 1500 altogether and you approached me directly during your Darshan (meeting people outside in the Mandir compound) and said to me" Oh! You have come now! "Where do you come from?" you asked. I answered. "Sweden Sir!" You said: "No, no! You come from Sri Lanka". You smiled and walked away leaving me absolutely flabbergasted. 1 was impressed by the appearance and the extraordinary person I was told you was. After this I were left to my own fantasies.
During my four days of stay I wandered in the Ashram, read books, listened to praise and stories that set you off as the "Divine Himself". The propaganda was massive and done in a very smooth and pleasant way. In between outdoor meetings we were served the very best vegetarian food, still in wonder after your manifestations of the "holy ash-vibuthi" which you did several times.
It all looked so simple for you and you always had a smile for me and I, as everyone else, felt in line to love you as presented namely "the Divine in Human Form".
Blessed by this 1 returned to Sri Lanka thinking that this was my new way. Now I had no more interest in continuing the construction work in Sri Lanka. I was offered 22 million $US for my company by a Swiss-company that wanted to take over.
1 had now been to you several times during 1978 and wanted to settle down in Puttaparthi for good near you. 1 wanted to sail the company in benefit for the construction of a new hospital for the poor and visitors in need. 1 was prepared to donate everything to the organisation if you had wished so. My only interest was to stay close to you.
You soon started to call me in for several private interviews and I become a noticed person in the ashram. But the other devotees did not know what was going on between you and me in the inner interview room. I did not know myself, 1 just believed you when you said that you were God and were helping me with my problems by taking care of my Kundalini-process. This was odd I think, since you did this by physically approaching my genitals, sometimes by smearing oil, later by masturbating me and asking for the same done to you. You also did oral sex on me several times; you always seemed to enjoy it immensely. When you asked me to do oral sex on you I backed up, due to my background as a molested child.
My alcoholic father's friend did the molesting during Friday evenings, when I was between four and eight years old. You were kind enough not to push me further. Instead you continued with oral sex on me until 1983. I had now become 34 years old and fallen out of your sexual interest zone. When I was a child and was abused I always reacted by doing as I was told in order to save my life. So when you first approached me even if it was in a gentle way of a touch, by your hand at my genitals, I somehow reacted instinctively and closed my door to my inner consience. I stopped to listen to my inner voice since I did not want to loose the divine image of you.
All the people you had engaged were putting their efforts in building the image of you as God - living and moving upon earth for humanity to benefit, you were supposed to be pure love and have no personal desire or lust other than giving joy to mankind. Of course I believed the whole concept, innocent as I was.
Now, I have some questions for you!
Were you aware of the fear that you activated in me when sexually harassing me? If you are the person you want us to believe, did it not occur to you that instead of giving me joy and love you only invoked fear in its deepest level. Are you aware of the fact that I stopped to listen to my inner voice from that moment and became your prisoner for 20 years?
From that day I was totally in your hands and you and your organisation kept me there by using the words of love and wisdom. Instead of reacting as a normal being I started to praise you all my wake hours. Were you aware of that you spiritually and physicially raped and molested me through all these years?
It went so far that I even became the Spiritual Co-ordinator in your organisation. I went on conferences, spoke on radio, wrote a book, brought thousands of people to the feet of you. I lectured all over the world and told the beautiflil story about my relation with you and your mission. Everywhere people came and listened in hundreds, yes sometimes in thousands.
I kept onl thinking this was my duty, as you always told me. This special relation with you was my deepest secret and 1 believed you when you said that I was the only one worthy of this special work.
I was so puffed up by the attention from you that I totally lost track of reality. During the time 1 was imprisoned by you I gave away my company in Sri Lanka. I returned ruined to Sweden on your request in 1980 and started the home for drug addicts and criminals that I am stili running now as a very well known institute.
During the years that past by after 1983 when your physical involvement with me stopped I just served and served as a "duty officer" in your organisation even though the "bells of warning" clanged of and on.
So many times I saw you cheat with the manifestations, so many times I saw you do acts of misconduct with other boys, I always thought you where testing me as a devotee! 1 never let the thought in that this was wrong. For me it was all a blessing, divine touch or "Leelas" (games).
It was first in the end of 1986 when I met with several boys that had similar experiences that I started to ask myself if this was wrong. At one time you asked me to participate in an interview, in the inner room, with one of my patients from the institute. I thought you wanted me to translate but you wanted me to participate when you sexually harassed the boy whom at that time were 23 years old, blond and handsome. Somehow you had understood that my childhood experiences had disturbed my identity and made me bisexual. And now you wanted me to partake in your play with the boy. Before I reacted the boy himself pushed you away and went out of the room leaving you and me there. You just raised your shoulders and said: "Pity! He does not understand Sparshan". (Meaning Gods physical way with him.) Do I need to tell you that the boy went home and never wanted to hear about you again, nor did he want to go back even when I offered him to pay his expenses. Do I need to tell you that the boy felt deeper and deeper into an incurable depression related mainly to this traumatic experience and finally committed suicide? StilI my inner voice did not wake up and I kept on hiding my own childhood trauma from my awareness.
Could you not have made me aware of my subconciousness in a different way? Did you have to use my patients in your sexual activities and thereby using me as a pimp for you? Could it not have been done in a more spiritual way if that was your intention?
Do you remember in Puttaparthi 1980 when I had broken my knee and I came with crutches to you on Darshan meeting on the 25th of December? When you called me on to the compound and asked me to let go of my crutches and walk, which I did in front of everyone. Do you remember how you called me in for an interview after the enormous response you got from the people that thought they had seen a miracle. Do you remember how you asked me not to talk to anyone about it, giving them the opportunity to create their own story which they did. From then on you called me the "Crutch boy" and called for me as soon as you wanted to impress on a Doctor or a Minister etc. Again you used me to make people to believe that you were divine.
Do you remember when I came to you in Puttaparthi after a few years absence and brought my fiancé? We came for you to bless our marriage. During the interview you asked me if I knew what happens to butter in a fire. I answered you that it would melt. You looked deeply into my eyes and said. "Do you want to melt?" You were referring to my girlfriend as the fire. Innocently I said: "No I don't want to melt". Then you said: "Do not get married you belong to me, you are married to me." You turned to my fiancé and told her to leave me alone. Of course she obeyed as everyone else, she stayed in India and became the mistress to your own translator Anil Kumar. For years you kept her in India indicating to her that Kumar were going to divorce his wife and marry her. She wrote you letters daily, that you received during the Darshan where she raised the question about this man again and again. You always say that you read all letters yourself. Why did you not answer her that she would never be married to this man? She was used all these years, as all of us, for your own benefit. She became a tale in India and you participated in bringing the woman I were meant to marry down to the level of satisfying your own translator and his sexual desires. When I heard about this after a couple of years I intervened and she finally ended the relationship with Kumar. Afterwards she was threatened to her life and chopped to keep silent. She is still living in Puttaparthi in total denial of what has happened to her.
Was it really worth it? Destroying the love between to young people, separate them from each other and give one of them away as a mistress to an old man who already had a wife and two kids. For what purpose did you do this Baba? What did you in the end get out of it? We who were devoted to you really believed in the Five Human Values-program that was structured by Dr. Gokak and incorporated in your teaching. We started schools all over the world to educate children for the coming of a new world order were you were and would be our guiding light through this cruel world. We all came to you with open hearts and offered our services to what we thought were the purity himself, selflessness incarnated and God on earth. We all were absolutely convinced.
As the years passed by rumours about you cheating with your manifestations started and also that you were increasing your sexual activities with younger and younger boys. Your own students both in Brindavan and in Puttaparthi started to confront us westerners with this unpleasant news about our God-you Sai Baba.
I slowly started to grasp the idea of being swindled by an organisation I always felt very unpleasant to be in and from here on I kept my ears and eyes open when I visited India and especially Puttaparthi.
Whenever I was in India and Puttaparthi I tried to contact boys I saw being called in for interviews.
During the years there was especially one German boy that always was called in.
I made friends with him and slowly the whole story uncovered. He had got at least 100 interviews during the last 5 years and when I asked him if Sai Baba ever told him any spiritual teachings during the private interviews he answered no. As we learned to know each other more and more 1 realised that you only performed sexual activities with the boy on different levels during the interviews. You apparently explained it for the poor boy as something he needed in order to raise the Kundalini. 1 know you also told the boy not to talk to anyone else, to stay in his room while being in Puttaparthi and only come to Darshans. The poor boy obeyed you except when he came to talk with me. The boy had noticed that you often stopped and talked with me during Darshans, this was the reason why he slowly became confident in me and started to talk to me without fearing for your punishment.
I told him my whole story and did not hide anything for him and he had the same experience of being chosen by God for a certain purpose that he was being prepared for by your sexual activities you were inflicting on him. At this time I were fully convinced that something was really wrong, but I did not know how to get out of the trap.
When I came to India in January 1999 I found a young Swedish man trapped in the absolutely same pattern as the German boy. I then decided to do everything that I could to find a valuable condusion that could hold me through the inner storm that was slowly but steadily approaching me.
The boy you had chosen as a toy for the time being were called the "Golden Boy" due to all the so called manifestations that you had given him during his eight interviews. He approached me for help to understand what was happening to him, since Dr. Jargon Moolgard from Sweden and also National Co-ordinator for the Sai Organisation in Sweden did not listen to the boys problems with you Baba. He did not help the poor boy, so the boy turned to me. I had just arrived to India with my littie group and we found a big Swedish group believing and thinking that the boy was very special and chosen by God especially. The truth was that he as all of us only was used for your sexual purposes and satisfaction. We spent night after night in comparing our experiences and came to the conclusion that these actions we had been subjected to were only of sexual nature. There was never any spirituality in our relation to you. We were both just used.
In the meantime you "manifested" 1000 dollars for him so he could pay for a ticket and visit you in Kodaai Canal in June 1999. You told him to bring his mother this time. The boy went home in absolute confusion and so did I. Anyhow I decided that if he was going back again I would follow since he had turned to me for help, as a well known person within the Sai organisation. Frankly I decided to protect him from getting more molested by you. We returned in June 1999. His mother were going as well but would arrive later. We arrived in Puttaparthi with our eyes wide open eagerly to find out what was true and not. It did not take long before you called us in because of the "Golden Boy". You jumped on him right away, so openly flirting that other people started to realise what was going on and after your second and last interview with the boy it was so obvious that other people started to react and questioned what was going on. We were now out of doubt but for the sake of our own security we decided to keep quiet about it until we left India, this time for good since our relation to you had finally been cleared. There was no longer any doubt about your intentions with us.
We were all used and it seemed like all the leaders knew about It, but kept quiet for the sake of being in the limelight or whatever.
When we came home the "Golden Boy" approached all the leaders in the Swedish Sathya Sai Organisation to put a meeting together where this could be ventilated and cleared out. I was invited together with other victims to come and share their stories. The meeting shocked the Swedish Sai Family and most people left the organisation and you, Sai Baba, directly. Some people fell into denial and stayed and became the new leaders of the organisation.
Since then the word is spreading all over the world and victims from all over the world are coming out from the shadows telling mostly the same sad story about you. All over the world your name and your organisation is put on the list of scum. There is no return and your name and reputation will always be: "The man that called himself the Avatar of Avatars but showed up to be just a simple man with sexual desires for young boys. The man that cheated a whole world using the name of God and love as his tools. The man that used other peoples knowledge and wisdom as his own and pretended to be a guiding light for humanity. Finally exposed by the innocent people that he molested."
When you baptised me as Sathya (the truth) you did not seem to know whom you were dealing with. I was betrayed in my childhood by adults, I lost my voice and ability to speak, but I could pray to God for help. It took years, different ways were tried, even yours but finally truth succeeded and I was brought back to my own inner voice again and thereby my own relation to God-within. I now will settle this as, a testimony for all the people on the globe, especial young boys and their parents. To not ever let their children go to Puttaparthi or to any place were you Sai Baba resides, since they all would risk being at your altar of sex uphold Baba.
You might say this is a common culture in India. Sorry we will answer you, even you have to follow the laws of your country, as you yourself told us we had to. Culture or not we in the west are happy to announce to you that we will uphold the Sanatana Dharma (eternal righteousness) even if your people does not care we will protect the Heritage of Bharat (India). This letter to you is written direct from my hands and could be used as an affidavit if necessary, to any court in the world that will bring the issue up for a trial. I also gladly tell you Baba that I will participate as a firsthand witness whenever I am called to do so. I will not stand behind the "Curtain of shame" any longer and so will not hundreds of other boys all over the world.
We ask of you Baba to withdraw from the self proclaimed God head and confess to everyone that you cheated them all the time, that you are only a simple human being with desires that wants to be fullfilled as everyone of us have.
That you try to hide your homosexuality only shows you as weak and not up to date with what is going on in the world. Today we have United Nations humanitarian rights to protect the homosexual community that is common knowledge. You do not have to hide behind a mask of God to be able to satisfiy your desires. You have so much charisma and charm that you could get in contact with partners without having to swindle young boys and a whole world.
Be brave Baba as we finally became, leave your fear behind, and love is there even for people like you.
The world is eagerly waiting for you stepping down from your God throne down to the floor of really serving mankind as an equal. People that have changed the world like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and many others they never needed to be looked upon as being Gods. Being servants satisfied them. Is it not your saying also " Love all Serve all ". Not "Hurt all - Rape all", which is a tendency you and your movement now is trying to uphold by saying openly that your rapes and molestation's are of divine nature. You never cared to ask us what we felt and thought. You told us what we are and expected us to accept your picture. Sorry but we could not, if we are going to survive as spiritual beings.
We now longer say Sai Ram. We say SHIVA RAM! Knowing that truth will conquer.
Yours sincerely in hope of improvement,
CONNY LARSSON
Director of Karnan Institute
Tostebo Gods
61040 Gusum
Sweden
Telephone 00461123 23048, fax 23015, e-mail address: conny@email.com
Anyone that reads this and needs support might contact me and the Lifeline-group that has been created to support everyone that needs help to leave the Sai Baba movement.
This open letter can be forward and used in any official circumstances if the content is intact and presented in its whole. |
[5]: Reference Five: Yahoo Club Bulletin Board
Conny Larsson's own reply:
Source: Yahoo! Clubs Bulletin Board
Date: 07-10-00 05.55 AM
Dear All.
I have been asked by Conny Larsson to print this letter of his here in this club as an answer to Björn Sandströms posting.
To All Internetreaders
My name is CONNY LARSSON from Sweden. I’m an ex-devotee of Sai Baba. My profession is as a therapist, one of drugaddicts and criminals; disordered people.
I’m also the Director of this Institute since 20 years and it is all financed by the Swedish Government. I’m also a former actor which ended in 1975.
It has come to my attention by others that a Coordinator from the Swedish Sathya Sai Organization has published on internet a site about me and my experiences with Sai Baba. What I find is that it is more a personal attack on me than reason from a sane person, therefore I will not go into his level of writing etc. I will concentrate on facts and answer the wrongsayings for you to have a correct picture of what have occurred. The name of the Coordinator is BJÖRN SANDSTRÖM a former very good friend of me as also his familymembers were. I still consider these people as good humans and I respect their opinion about me.
Everyone has to have the right to feel, think and express their belief.
It has never been my intention to go on internet but now I have to answer due to direct lies that are coming from representatives from the Sai Organization. This will also be my only appearance on internet. The rest I look forward to official investigation to resolve, like FBI-INTERPOL etc. I know that this is already moving on in speed.
Now to the wrong information that BJÖRN SANDSTRÖM has informed all the internetreaders:
1. I, Conny Larsson was the national coordinator for two years. I was chosen in consensus by all the members at the meeting. I upheld the position at the same time when Britt-Marie Anden was upholding the chairmanship of being the national coordinator.
Britt-Marie the left the organization due to the same reason as all others; sexmolestation of boys, cheating, fraud etc.
2. I was never a centerleader, I was vice leader for the Gusum center in Sweden which we all in consensus closed as soon as it was absolutely
clear beyond all doubts what Sai Baba was doing with young boys in India, westerners as well as Indians.
3. According to the mentioned boy which B. S. mentioned by name in the site he wrote on internet, it might be true that he wasn’t a member,but he was participating in different courses which the Sai organization was holding. He was also one of the Swedish boys that was included in the Swedish group led by the Swedish national coordinator med. dr. Jörgen Mölgaard. During the interviews in January -99, the boy felt molested in different ways, all sexual. He pleaded for my help as a human and as a well-knowned Sai-personality since dr. Jörgen Mölgaard didn’t pay any attention to his problems with Sai Baba, even when it was brought to his attention. We also had to approach the Sai organization on the boys due to the growing and ongoing abuses of the boys.
The Sai organization arranged a meeting for everyone to share their opinion on the matters. Certain people was chosen or invited to participate. I was also invited to the meeting on the request of the molested boys. They wanted me there to support the truth of their experience. And so I did. On the meeting I for the first time told my whole story with Baba, on the sexual issue. Many people have asked me "why have you not told this before?" This was the reason:
When I was 4 years old up to 8 years I was abused orally by my fathers alcoholic friend. This occurred during the nights when my father had fallen asleep, usually Friday evening/night. This caused me to loose my ability to speak. I was mute all up to age of 12 when I started to get professional help. I of course was trying to cope with this situation that had happened to me and buried it far away in my subconciousness. Much later in life I had to partake in a seven years psychoanalysis which made me fully aware of what had happened me in life and why I lost my ability to speak for so many years. When Sai Baba abused me (1979-1983) he had already been my chosen GOD-idol, I met him first in Puttaparthi 1978. When he made this passes on me which later became all from masturbating to oral sex I chose to keep my image of God and let him carry out his sexualactivities as he wanted. He called it healing or changing of my Kundalini etc. When I came home in June -99 I had to seek professional help to try to understand for myself how I could let this happen to me. The psychiatrist that I used was one of the well-knowned deprogrammators in the therapist realm. After many, many hours he declared his "diagnosis" namely "psycho infantile", meaning that I was just as a little child absolute innocent that had to put up with whatever growned-ups did with me, including GOD’s decision to act upon me in whatever way. I had built in this pattern in me so deeply since my childhood-experience that it was just automatically. The GOD that I had chosen USED his position and went on me with his absolutely private needs of sexual satisfaction and I didn’t protest.
Not until I was asked by the boys to help them I woke up in my professional role as a therapist of molested people and acted accordingly. I have done so ever since even if it have caused me considerable pain to be awakened.
4. On the earlier mentioned meeting with the Sai organization and it’s leaders we all agreed with the boys never to mention their names orally or in writing. Everyone was absolutely clear over that and it was a matter of confidence. The story could be told but not the names. What B. S. is doing now is to publish names that never was ment to come out. I can only hope that it doesn’t hurt them to much in their way of trying to cope with life. But the way Mr. Sandström, representative of the Sathya Sai organization is handling the situation is very worrying and speaks more about himself.
5. According to the knowing of Sai Baba's misconduct relating to sexual abuses and cheating with materialization's it’s absolutely clear that the Sai Organization leaders have been knowing what was going on all the time. We, many of the victims have personally talked by phone to these people, when we tried to understand what was happening with us, but they all told us that this was "Divine" and we had to put up with it. We have talked to leaders as the American leaders dr. Goldstein, Phyllis Krystal, Hal Honig, Jagadeeshan, Gruber, Piculell, Meyer etc. and many, many others. They have all expressed the same opinion "it’s divine". They never listened to how we felt, how hurted we were. And especially they left us without any help. ( Sai Baba's saying: "Help ever, hurt never" doesn’t apply inside the organization at all.)
6. I’m very happy to hear that there are only 25 members left in the Sai organization in Sweden and I’m very worried that so many as 500 still keeps on going to an organization that are cooperating with a clearly pedophile activity that is going on in Puttaparthi.
Sai officials are constantly going down with new people and are exposing these boys that goes to India for the possibility of being molested by Sai Baba. They are thereby making themselves pimping for him. My pray to all mothers and fathers is believe what you want but don’t expose your children for the possibility of being molested. I truly with all my heart mean this since I was myself a victim and a member of this dreadful sect, where so many serious people loose themselves.
This will now end and I’m sorry to have been needed to share this very negative news with you, but the Sai organizations handling of the Sai-sexual/fraud affairs had to be dealt with clearly.
To all of you readers I bow down
Sincerely yours
Conny Larsson
Director of Kärnan Institute |
[6]: Reference Six: home.hetnet.nl/~ex_baba/engels/witnesses/gerson.html
(Greg Gerson) I would like to make one last point. I have heard so many mystical, fantastical stories told to me by fellow devotees such as: "Sai Baba walked through my bedroom wall in America..." and on and on and on !!! I quickly came to understand that I had to be very wary and skeptical of these fantastic second, third, forth, etc. hand stories. Many of these stories were absolutely absurd and ridiculous.
Even Conny Larsson, one the principle figures in the Exbaba.com site gave a group of Americans (which included me in 1995) a public dharma talk about his miraculous experiences with Sai Baba. He went on and on weaving an amazingly entertaining story, even bursting uncontrollably into torrents of tears. Now he is talking about having had sex with Sai Baba? Sifting through the variety of stories regarding Sai Baba and sex offenses must be a challenging task. |
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I am in no way associated with the Sai Organization, nor do I belong to any Sai Group/Center. I alone decided to make these pages with no external prompting or guidance. All the material on these pages are the sole and original opinions of me, Gèrald Morèno. Copyright 2004: This page may be duplicated and distributed freely, as long as it is done so in its entirety or you may quote from it as long as you provide a link back to this page and you inform me of the site on which it is being placed. Other uses are prohibited. Please feel free to Contact Me to make suggestions or comments. |
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